PAWTUCKET, Rhode Island – (Satire News) – Recent studies conducted at Pawtucket’s prestigious Paul Revere University have shown that the incidence of sexual intercourse has gone down in 37 of the 50 states.
Professor Wilmington F. Fissaletti, 74, who conducted the study, spoke with Sequoia Sexx of The Ta Da News Agency and informed her that there are many factors for this conclusion.
He went on to say that for one, most people are working longer hours and when they get home they want to relax, eat, watch comedy shows on Netflix, and go to sleep.
He noted that the top 7 states where boinking has gone down are all red states (Republican).
Professor Fissaletti, who recently won $8.3 million in the Rhode Island State Lottery, noted that members of the GOP have always had very low libido numbers, noting that they seem to be more concerned with making more and more money, than with making whoopie.
The study showed that the state where individuals have the least coitus, known in that state as horizontal coupling is South Carolina.
One resident of the Palmetto State, Chad Greenapple, 49, stated that the reason for him and his third wife not engaging in hiding the salami is due to the fact that his wife, Vivian Jo, 47, has put on 134 pounds and he said that she has gotten so damn big that he actually is afraid-as-hell of falling off of her and injuring himself.
SIDENOTE: On the other side of the coin, the state that has actually gone up in sexual intercourse is the Left Coast state (aka California). The professor grinned and said that those folks f*ck even more than rabbits.
