MANHATTAN – (Satire News) – Traci Diddle with National Rumblings said that she spoke with the former first daughter and she is positively nervous, worried, and scared-as-shit.
Sweet Lips, as DJT calls his favorite child, said that just within the past few months her favorite parent has started looking freaky-as-hell.
She noted that his face is getting so creepy-looking that even his wrinkles are now getting wrinkles.
Ivanka told Miss Diddle, that at one time, her father was the most handsome man in all of the United States.
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Say WHAT???].
Ivanka, AKA Mrs. Jared Kushner, who BFF Meghan Markle says hasn’t had sex in over 8 months, is so upset, her body has stopped producing estrogen, and as a result she is starting to develop a goatee, hair on her ass, and an uncontrollable urge to grab her crotch.
When Melania was asked to comment on the fact that her husband is now starting to look like Rudy Giuliani, AKA “The Swamp Creature,” she simply replied, “I duzzn’t care abouts Donaldo any mores. I am mush tu beezy texting weedth my text mate LeBron.”
