CHICAGO – (Satire News) – The Alpha Beta News Agency has just revealed a very disappointing trend throughout every college and university in America.
ABNA reporter Mimosa Sabrosa, has stated that the highly reputable Federal Institute for Drug Abuse has just finished a 5-month research study that clearly shows that marijuana use has gone through the roof.
Every school of higher learning in the U.S. from Bayou State University to Johnny Reb College has had an increase in marijuana use by as much as 167%.
And reports show that most of the pot is being grown in three states, California, Colorado, and Rhode Island.
The FIDA notes that the litty, bitty, tiny state of Rhode Island has more cannabis fields that the entire Mexican states of Sinoloa, Oaxaxa, and Yucatan combined.
According to ABNA Rhode Island’s top four exports are scrap, jewelry, M&M’s, and marijuana.
And now, experts believe that pot will surpass jewelry and M&M’s by Thanksgiving Day.
SIDENOTE: Left Coast College, which is located in Carpinteria, California, has just announced that out of it’s student body of 7,903 students, a total of 7,897 are now, not only using marijuana, but also hallucinogens, mushrooms, Peruvian Marching Dust, pot-flavored guacamole, and marijuana brownies.