HONOLULU – (Satire News) – Reports coming out of the Aloha State report that Hawaii’s Secretary of Tourism and Coconut Harvesting has issued a directive stating that tourists from the mainland are not welcome.
The secretary who did not want his name released to the public, said that there are just way to many “Basers,” who are refusing to get the Trumpapalooza Virus shots, not to mention who refuse to wear masks.
He noted that he heard about a trailer park in Duck Dung, Alabama, where the postmen, the sanitation workers, the police, and even the local whores refuse to enter, because no one will wear a medical mask.
In fact, the situation has gotten so bad that just in the past 2 weeks, a total of 17 residents simply hooked up their trailers and left in the middle of the night, not even bothering to give notice.
One unemployed rodeo clown, identified as Lester “Bozo” Greenbox, 48, said that some of the residents of The Stonewall Jackson Trailer Park, getting so damn looney that he knows of three incidents where they actually bit dogs.
Trailer Park manager, Cyrus “Bubba” Diffdicker, stated to a local TV reporter that if he hears about one more person biting a dog incident, he is going to get his commemorative Vietnam War bazooka and…well he said it ain’t gonna be pretty.
Meanwhile the state of Hawaii has informed potential visitors that if they want, they can donate to a “Log-On And Fund Me” app with 89% of the proceeds going towards erecting a Don Ho life-size statue to be placed in the parking lot of the largest McDonalds in Honolulu.