TUSCALOOSA, Alabama – (Sports Satire) – The Board of Regents of the University of Alabama, after 189 years has decided to change the team’s name.
The Sports Bet Gazette notes that effective Thursday, September 30, 2021, the name Crimson Tide will be replaced by the newly-approved name Red Tide.
Several of the athletic coaches and college players have expressed their displeasure, but as the head of the English Department, Professor Claude DuMacadew, stated, any disgruntled disgruntlees can simply drop out of the university and transfer to Ole Miss, LSU, or TCU.
Several of the Alabama cheerleaders were seen in the girl’s locker room sobbing and hitting their heads against the lockers.
One of the girls, who has been identified as Laurie Wintertipper, 19, said that she will be leaving the university and going back to California, and enroll in Left Coast College in Carpinteria, California, where she'll be majoring in Earthquake Prevention.
When Vice-Assistant-Dean Ludlow L. Lustmickler, was asked why they decided on the name change, he pointed out that they were made aware that the word Crimson in Swahali means 'zebra with a colon issue.'