DIXIELAND, Alabama – (Satire News) – Radio station KDIX 101, reported that a 2.7 ton meteorite has crashed into an Alabama cotton field causing extensive damage.
The meteorite, believed to have originated in Uranus, landed smack-dab in the middle of Buford “Bubba” Dippmaker’s 19 acre cotton field.
Dippmaker, no relation to the Brooklyn Dippmakers, said that he was sitting in his trailer house drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer, eating a cornbread sandwich, and watching NASCAR on ESPN-7, when his wife, Loretta “Bubbetta” Dippmaker, who was outside feeding their chickens, screamed like she’d been bit on her hooha (muffin) by a lascivious woodchuck.
Bubba immediately grabbed his shotgun, his AR-15 semi-automatic assault rifle, and his refurbished grenade launcher, and headed out to see what all the confounded commotion was about.
As he stepped outside he noticed that his cotton field was on fire. He put down all of his arsenal and he and Loretta, who was naked except for a pair of Dolly Parton thigh-hi boots, proceeded to try and put the fire out by throwing dirt, rocks, chicken feed, and handy pieces of aluminum siding at the fire.
Well that didn't help worth a shit, as Bubba would later tell Anderson Cooper with CNN.
SIDENOTE: The fire finally died down after 8 hours and 14 minutes and Bubba and Bubbetta ascertained that the fuckin’ meteorite burned up over 700,000 cotton balls, along with Bubba's prized 1997 John Deere Picaso Cotton Pickin' Combine, and a cotton field outhouse that was built back in September of 1959.
