GULF SHORES, Alabama – (Satire News) – Federal agents who were tipped off by informants, raided several local bars on the Redneck Riviera, and confiscated a total of 37 AR-15 semi-automatic weapons, 16 shotguns, 13 Glock 9’s, 2 grenade launchers, and a King Arthur Sword.
FBI Agent Rufus Yixmeister, said that he heard that a female in her early 30’s was hiding a Saturday Night Special in the crotch of her Carrie Underwood bikini panties.
He went up to her and informed her that he was going to have to frisk her to check for the illegal handgun.
The woman, identified as Nora Londonblue, 27, informed the agent that she has a very sensitive hooha (vagina) and if it’s stimulated in the least, she is prone to pee without warning.
Yixmeister borrowed a sponge from the bartender and he proceeded to frisk Miss Londonblue's nether region.
After searching for 7 minutes, he came across a Colt .45 pistol, 34 bullets, brass knuckles, and a Milky Way chocolate bar.
SIDENOTE: All total FBI agents confiscated over 70 semi-automatic weapons, 1,415 rounds of ammo, 5 IUD’s, 3 diaphragms, and 3 glow-in-the-dark condoms.