HARLEM – (Satire News) – Ever since she was a little girl growing up in Harlem, Quanzilla Yolanda Windmuffin, 26, has been able to eat lots of large things with very little effort.
She explains it by saying that she has a very tiny uvula which makes whatever she eats go down her windpipe with virtually no resistance.
Quanzi, as her former boyfriend calls her, was convinced by her maternal grandmother Elvie Sally Muckshock, 87, to enter the 19th Annual Harlem Giant Cinnamon Roll Eating Contest.
At first she was a bit hesitant due to a bit of laryngitis that she’d had for five days, but Elvie Sally told her that if she entered the contest she would buy her a brand new Apple 19-B Conquistador Cell Phone.
So Quanzi entered and she managed to beat out a group of 183 contestants who ranged in weight from 78 pounds to 391 pounds.
One woman from the Bronx had to be rushed to the hospital after she got a piece of her giant cinnamon roll lodged in her xyphoid process.
SIDENOTE: The first prize for winning the Cinnamon Roll Eating Contest is a year’s supply of Cleopatra Cinnamon rolls, plus season tickets to the New York Jets football home games, and $80,000 cash.