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Funny story: A #MeToo Story by a Mermaid

A #MeToo Story by a Mermaid

Being the chair of the local Mermaid Public Relations Committee isn't all it's cracked up to be. Like today, for example, I'd like to be out swimming around in the ocean with the other mermaids. Instead I'm tasked with reading the entries of my fellow mermaids to a short story contest by a local magazine and choosing the ones that will proceed to the next round of the competition. The magazine edi...

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Funny story: Joey Walnuts eats 72 Rockey Mountain Oysters to win Nathan's Famous title

Joey Walnuts eats 72 Rockey Mountain Oysters to win Nathan's Famous title

Joey Walnuts continues to astonishing the world of competitive eating with his title as Rockey Mountain Oyster King. On Tuesday, the 21-year-old genius won the Nathan's Rockey Mountain Oysters Contest for the 10th time, breaking his own record by...

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Funny story: Florida beach "the best," Beachcombers agree

Florida beach "the best," Beachcombers agree

It's not the location. Or the beautiful white sands. Or the ice-blue water. Or the spectacular, pristine scenery. It's not even the hospitable locals. Siesta Beach near Sarasota, Florida, has been named The Best Beach in America by Beachcombers, a...

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Funny story: Denver Announces Its 1st Annual Marijuana Smoking Contest

Denver Announces Its 1st Annual Marijuana Smoking Contest

DENVER - The director of The Colorado State Cannabis Coalition, Lucy "Sinsemilla" Coxcoogan has just informed the press about the state's 1st Annual Marijuana Smoking Contest. Miss Coxcoogan said that the one-of-a-kind event will be held in Denver...

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Funny story: A Fisherman In Oslo, Norway Eats 313 Sardine Sandwiches

A Fisherman In Oslo, Norway Eats 313 Sardine Sandwiches

OSLO, Norway - Onni Ristopani, 36, has always had a tremendous fondness for sardine sandwiches and now, it has finally paid off. Ristopani has just won The 57th Annual Oslo Sardine Sandwich Eating Contest by devouring a total of 313 sardine sandwi...

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Funny story: A 71-Year-Old Geography Teacher Wins $100,000 In A Twerking Contest

A 71-Year-Old Geography Teacher Wins $100,000 In A Twerking Contest

NEW ORLEANS - The Louisiana Department of Festivities has just announced that a 61-year-old high school geography teacher from Lafayette, Louisiana has just won first place in the 1st Annual Louisiana Twerking Contest. Noranelle Grainquist was the...

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Funny story: 19 Members of A Senior Citizens Home In Idaho Taken To The Hospital After Engaging In A Twerking Contest

19 Members of A Senior Citizens Home In Idaho Taken To The Hospital After Engaging In A Twerking Contest

POCATELLO - The director at Pocatello's Au Gratin Potatoes Senior Citizens Home, Artie Knoxmelon, 49, has apologized to the families of 19 of his residents. Knoxmelon told the news media that he had seen Miley Cyrus twerking on a television show a...

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Funny story: A Retired Tulsa Teacher Wins The National Tabasco Drinking Contest But Loses Both of Her Perfectly Good Tonsils

A Retired Tulsa Teacher Wins The National Tabasco Drinking Contest But Loses Both of Her Perfectly Good Tonsils

TULSA, Oklahoma - Local resident Emily Normina Sarkensiggle, 43, was both thrilled and saddened by a recent event. Miss Sarkensiggle who is engaged to Darnell Oldenheimer, 51, won this year's National Tabasco Drinking Contest, which is held every...

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Funny story: Six-Year-Old Milwaukee Girl Wins A Trip To Manchester, England To Meet Her Idol Chicharito

Six-Year-Old Milwaukee Girl Wins A Trip To Manchester, England To Meet Her Idol Chicharito

MILWAUKEE - Little six-year-old Milly Cottondandy had no idea that she would win The Heinz Ketchup Sports Drawing Contest when her mother Leslie told her to draw a picture of a soccer player. Milly, who is a devoted fan of Manchester United and es...

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Funny story: A Grandmother In Arkansas Is Arrested For Baking Anatomically Correct Gingerbread Men

A Grandmother In Arkansas Is Arrested For Baking Anatomically Correct Gingerbread Men

LITTLE ROCK, Arkansas - Claire "Cookie" Starkdiffy, 79, told the local authorities that she had no idea that what she did was against the law. Mrs. Starkdiffy, who was divorced in 2010 by her husband Wardley Starkdiffy after 51 years of marriage,...

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Funny story: "The One Indispensable Nation" applications go global

"The One Indispensable Nation" applications go global

This week a furor of verbiage over who, what, when, and why a nation is "indispensable" has swarmed across the globe very quickly. In fact, the very latest updates indicate a global contest is already underway. The world's smallest island nat...

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Funny story: A Milwaukee Grandmother Eats 119 Shish Kabobs To Break The U.S. Record

A Milwaukee Grandmother Eats 119 Shish Kabobs To Break The U.S. Record

MILWAUKEE - All of her life, Millicent "Milly" Sauerbraten has said she's wanted to do something that would go down in history. Well the 68-year-old grandmother has now achieved that goal. Mrs. Sauerbraten participated in the 73rd Annual Milwaukee...

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Funny story: The Best Letter from Mom Contest

The Best Letter from Mom Contest

Boston, MA - The Boston Tribune's randomly chosen entry into The Best Letter from Mom While You Were at Camp Contest appears below. This week's entry was submitted by Debbie Jones of Dover, MA. Dear Debbie, Dad and I (and the admin that I suspect is Dad's new mistress) are so happy to hear that your summer "job" at the Big Game Reserve in South Africa is going well (especially since Dad and...

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Funny story: Governor Brewer of Arizona Disqualifies Wet T-Shirt Contest Winner Because She's A Lesbian

Governor Brewer of Arizona Disqualifies Wet T-Shirt Contest Winner Because She's A Lesbian

YUMA, Arizona - The 19th Annual Arizona Wet T-Shirt Contest was held in Yuma and this year's overwhelming winner was Loribelle Tantaletti of Flagstaff. But Tantaletti's victory was short lived as Governor Jan Brewer soon learned from an unnamed so...

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Funny story: Margarita Named Top Drink and Top Female Name In The USA

Margarita Named Top Drink and Top Female Name In The USA

SAN ANTONIO - The United States Drinking Society Federation (USDSF) has just announced that the winner of The 2013 Best Drink in America is the Margarita. The name Margarita was also chosen as The Most Popular Female Name of The Year. USDSF spo...

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Funny story: Controversial Radio Show Pits Teens In A Fight To The Death For Tickets To The Premiere Of The Hunger Games

Controversial Radio Show Pits Teens In A Fight To The Death For Tickets To The Premiere Of The Hunger Games

JONESBORO, AR--As anticipation for the long-waited movie adaptation of Suzanne Collins' bestselling novel The Hunger Games reached a fever pitch on Monday, local Arkansas radio station 100.5 FM The Eagle knew it had to take advantage of this incredib...

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Funny story: Some Newly Approved State License Plate Slogans

Some Newly Approved State License Plate Slogans

The United States Commission on State License Plate Slogan Approval has just granted ten states permission to change their vehicular license plate slogans for 2013. The executive director of TUSCOSLPSA Winnie Leona "Tags" Tagliobissi stated that they had to reject the slogans of two states and ask that they submit a secondary entry. The commission rejected Arizona's slogan "The Non-Hola Stat...

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