FORT WORTH, Texas – (Satire News) – Fort Worth’s infamous Buckaroo Bar & Grill was the scene of The 40th Annual Mechanical Bull Riding Championship.
Male and female contestants competed from as far off as Cheyenne, Wyoming, Topeka, Kansas, and Turkey Tits, Tennessee.
Oklahoma cattle rancher, Tyrus “Saddle Sores” Birdstone, won the male competition, as he managed to stay on Bucko The Mechanical Bull for a record-setting 49.3 seconds.
Ty, who recently divorced his wife of 27 years, was awarded a cash prize of $5,000, plus a brand new Bounty Hunter Y-3 Shotgun, a pair of Marshal Dillion Rattlesnake Skin Boots, and three cases of Coors Light Beer.
The female competition was won by Mindy "Sex Goddess" Newbush, who works as a featured stripper at The Bouncing Butt Strip Club in Laredo, Texas.
Mindy, who last year was voted the Sexiest Pole Dancer in Texas, managed to keep her ass on the mechanical bull for an amazing 55 seconds.
The stunningly sexy pole dancer received a cash prize of $2,000, plus an $85 Dolly Parton Designer Bra, a year’s supply of FDS (Feminine Deodorant Spray), and season tickets to The Dallas Cowboys home games.
The event was marred by an unfortunate incident when female contestant Tina Tyraletti, of the Bronx, accidentally got her left tit caught in the saddle horn and three doctors, who were in the audience, worked for a good 8 minutes to free her gorgeous-looking mammary gland from the saddle.
Once her left knocker was freed Mindy quickly joined the line dancers in a rendition of the “Cotton Eye Joe.”
SIDENOTE: The promoters would like to thank Texas-native Matthew McConaughey, for graciously providing the $9,000 mechanical bull free of charge.