The New World’s Hot Sauce-Eating Champion Eats 9 Lbs. 7 Ozs. In 57 Seconds

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 18 March 2021

image for The New World’s Hot Sauce-Eating Champion Eats 9 Lbs. 7 Ozs. In 57 Seconds
The hot sauce that was used for the hot sauce eating contest was flown in from a hot sauce factory in Tijuana, Mexico.

BROOKLYN – (Satire News) – A Guinness World Record, that had stood for 18 years, has finally been broken. The Hot Sauce-Eating Record now belongs to a 27-year-old man from Osaka, Japan, who ate 9 lbs., 7 ozs., of imported hot sauce in 57 seconds.

The new record-holder is Toyoshi Matsufooshi, who is an unemployed rickshaw repair man.

Hacienda Fiddle with Boom Boom News talked to Toyo after the event, and he told her how he was finally able to capture the coveted title.

Toyo, said that when he was a little boy growing up in Japan, his parents had a live-in cook, who had lived in Tijuana, Mexico, and she taught the entire family how to safely eat hot sauce.

The cook, whose first name was Hildegarde, told the Matufooshi family that the secret was to eats lots of Blue Bell Pralines and Caramel Ice Cream.

Toyo said he ate about 3,000 pints during the past 11 months. He stated that he was finally able to perfect the hot sauce-eating technique.

He did say that his mom, two brothers, and a grandmother never did, and his grandmother, sad to say ended up having to have a tongue transplant, which Toyo was thrilled to reveal was a total success.

Toyo, even remarked that the transplanted tongue, was from a Denmark tongue clinic, and his grandmother ended up being able to speak perfect Danish in only 10 short days.

Some of the other hot sauce eating contestants were not happy that they had been beaten by a man, who was born and raised in Japan. These contestants were from hot sauce-eating nations such as Guatemala, Costa Rica, Peru, and Chile.

One entrant who was from Venezuela, said that he is afraid to return to Caracas, for fear of being belittled beyond belief by his countrymen.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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