PALM BEACH, Florida – (Satire News) – Kimberly Guilfoyle, who hopes to one day be Mrs. Donald Trump Jr., if not Mrs. Donald Trump Sr., confided to her cellulite therapist that the “Golfing Guy,” as Ann Coulter calls him, cannot find a psychiatrist to check him out.
Kimmy, the woman with legs that actually go from her feet all the way up to her labia majora, said that everyone knows that DJT has never paid his bills, including to contractors, gardeners, electricians, plumbers, and even his urologist, who last year diagnosed him with an enlarged tongue.
Information guru, and man who knows everything about everyone, Andy Cohen, said that the Trumptard did pay two women, Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal, plus according to iRumors he is alleged to have paid $2.7 million to an unnamed Boy Scout, who reportedly has 73 photos of Trump’s little bitty (blank).
In a Related Story. Trump's personal physician Dr. Yang Fu Fi told Jimmy Kimmel that the one-term president also has an undescended colon, which he said occurs in one in every 97 million assholes.