CHARLESTON, West Virginia – (Satire News) – The West Virginia Puritan Association is bragging about the fact that they have finally been successful in getting the West Virginia legislature to ban ass cheek-showing short shorts.
WVPA Assistant Vice-Director Bruce Kissweather, said that there is no reason in the world why any respectable young woman should ever walk around Walmart, a 24-Hour Clinic, or a fast food restaurant flaunting, highly intimate parts of her body that only her husband should gawk at.
He commented that he now plans to go to Washington, D.C. and get the House of Representatives and the Senate to put an end to this devil's clothes item once and for all.
When Bruce was asked by a reporter with Bedroom Pillow Talk, if he’s gay, he started choking on his Shirley Temple daiquiri and replied that he isn’t, but added that his boyfriend Ronnie is.
Meanwhile, Bruce has just learned that he has been fired from his job as a receptionist at The Vietnamese Dragon Fire Nail Salon for acting like a self-righteous, evangelical dickhead.
In World News. Russian President Vladimir Putin has just announced that he plans to write a salaciously erotic tell-all book (with hundreds of X-Rated photos) that will spill the beans on Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, and Hope Hicks.