NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – iRumors is reporting that Rudy Giuliani has gone from the top of the mountain top (as mayor of New York City in 2001) to the depths of the NYC sewer system (as a Russian ass-kisser) in a span of only 20 years, 6 months, 3 weeks, and 4 days.
iRumors reporter Ling Chow Rangoon says that the ping-pong ball-eyed adult Chucky doll has no one to blame but his arrogantly, sarcastic, evil, lying self.
Rangoon said that she actually researched how many lies the man who is so damn ugly that he actually makes a pile of steer shit look cute-as-the-dickens has told.
And Rudy the Fruity’s number was 12,701, which is high-as-hell, but no where near, the astronomically huge number of his former client one D. Johnny Trump, who holds the world record with 30,573 in just four years!!!
TNT sports analyst Charles “The Fat Cat” Barkley, who is a master at researching world records of all sorts, remarked that no one, not even 100 used car salesmen together, will ever come remotely close to breaking the record of the orange pee-peed Pied Piper of the Potomac.
Miss Rangoon, has verified with Anderson Cooper, that Giuliani is being investigated for allegedly selling Russian President Vladimir Putin blueprints to the White House, the Capitol, Fort Knox, and Yankee Stadium for $7.1 million.