HOLLYWOOD – (Satire News) – Tittle Tattle Tonight is divulging the reason why after 19 years of being on the air, Ellen DeGeneres has decided to end her long-running talk show.
Pico de Gallo with 3T reports that the real reason why the Louisiana native says she is quitting is due to the rumors circulating from the left coast to the right coast that she is no longer a lesbian.
The blue-eyed, 63-year-old blonde is devastated that she has lost a little over 1.6 million viewers, roughly 87% who are gay.
She noted that the United States Federation for Gaydom has asked its 7 million members to boycott Ellen’s sponsors.
Three of these long-time sponsors include Cinderella Feminine Hygiene Salve, Hercules Brand Condoms, and Icelandic Frozen Margaritas.
The USFG also charges that DeGeneres loves to make people make total fools of themselves by pouring stuff like indoor-outdoor paint, mushy baby food, elderly parakeet seeds, and Log Cabin molasses on their faces and bodies.
Famed television guru Andy Cohen called Ellen, one not-so-nice muchacha, who has a weird sense of humor, not to mention a skin rash on her right elbow that resembles the state of Michigan.
Meanwhile, Ellen’s wife, Portia de Rossi says that she feels that DeGeneres has turned into an older, meaner, more hate-filled version of Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene.