The Long Running Daytime Soap Opera, The Young & The Restless is Getting a New Name

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 30 April 2021

image for The Long Running Daytime Soap Opera, The Young & The Restless is Getting a New Name
After 48 years on the air, the Young and The Restless will become The Old and The Contented.

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – Bedroom Pillow Talk is reporting that the popular, long-running daytime soap opera, The Young and The Restless has been on the air for nearly 50 years, and the show’s producers feel it is time for a title change.

Carolina Chipotle, with BPT, spoke with one of the show’s executives who said that the The Young and The Restless will now become The Old and The Contented.

One of the show's main stars, Loretta Cappatelli, who 66, has been married on the show 17 times and divorced 16 times.

Her TV husbands have ranged in age from 19 to 101. Ms. Cappatelli, has also given birth to 22 children, the oldest who now owns an emu ranch down in Koala City, Australia.

Another long running show character, Francine Poggenpohl, told Chipotle that she has decided to quit the show because she just got depressed at her character having been assaulted 21 times in the last 17 years.

She pointed out that the final straw was when she was gang-tickled by a group of carnival midgets.

Chipotle pointed out that in the world of soap opera TV, the writers have the liberty to write whatever they want, as in the case of character Buck Bittercold, who in 48 years on the show has been a baseball player with the Cleveland Indians, a football player with the Minnesota Vikings, a basketball player with the Portland Trailblazers, and a female impersonator at Manhattan’s Club Va Va Voom.

Miss Chipotle revealed that the show’s main sponsor will now be Preparation H, instead of Happy Horny Birth Control Pills.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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