Beef As Tough As Old Boots

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 17 December 2020

image for Beef As Tough As Old Boots
That bit near the fork has been chewed to death, and spat out

News is reaching us from our worldwide news correspondent that a plate of fried beef which was served to a man by his wife as a treat at suppertime last night, was deemed to be "inedible" by the recipient, who didn't spare it with his criticism.

Moys Kenwood, 57, had just finished bathing his two young children and getting them ready for bed, when his wife asked him if he would like some beef. He replied that he would, once the children were asleep, and proceeded to take them upstairs, and to tuck the little terrors in for the night.

That done, he descended the stairs, excitedly, already licking his lips in anticipation of the culinary delight that awaited him.

But what happened next will live long in the memory of his jawbones.

His mind's eye having told him to expect succulent strips of beef glazed with oyster sauce, lightly fried to induce his mouth to water, the reality was somewhat disappointing.

He chewed, ground and gnashed at the meat, turning it over again and again, his teeth working double-overtime, trying desperately to cut the beef bits into swallowable sizes, but this was in vain.

Said Kenwood:

"I was presented with a small plate of drab, gray pieces of 'meat', which my teeth were not pleased with."

The beef, he said:

"Was as tough as old boots! It was like trying to eat raw octopus. Or maybe an eraser. Or a Wellington boot. But not beef."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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