Lots of Shy People Refuse To Use The Name Horny Toad

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 11 March 2021

image for Lots of Shy People Refuse To Use The Name Horny Toad
The horny toad is the only animal in the world that can actually reproduce with a chicken. [It's not a pretty sight!].

(NOT EDITED) JOPLIN, Missouri – (Satire News) – A survey taken by professors at Left Coast College in Carpinteria, California, found that in Fly-By-States such as Iowa, Kansas, and Missouri, lots of shy citizens refuse to use the name horny toad, due to embarrassment.

The horny toad has reportedly been around for nearly 18.2 million years, and was first discovered by uncivilized cavemen, living in isolated caves, in what is now Brooklyn.

At first, the cavemen simply thought that they were merely deformed lizards. But they soon learned that they were actually four times smarter and seven times happier (and hornier) than the regular run-of-the-mill lizards.

Meanwhile, millions of people living in the three mentioned states are extremely upset that the term horny toad is still being used in elementary schools, day care centers, and women’s bingo clubs.

Residents of Joplin, Missouri, have even started up a petition to demand that photos of these lizard-like creatures and descriptions be removed from all Missouri state geography books as well as Episiterian bibles.

One sick 79-year-old woman, named Chunka May Mudficker, even went as far as washing her granddaughter’s mouth out with soap for mentioning the dreaded word(s).

Well, grandma Chunka May, was reported to the Missouri Child Welfare Protective Agency, and she was hit with a $9,000 fine, plus she was sentenced to jail for 7 weeks, and warned not to come within 26 miles of her granddaughter for 12 years.

The granddaughter was thrilled, and remarked that she never really liked her grandmother, who she divulged smells like a cross between Preparation H, hydrochloric acid, Bud Light, and asparagus.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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