CEDAR RAPIDS – (Satire News) - Ashton Kutcher, who was born in Iowa, says that he is furious at President Trump, who seems to be doing nothing lately but spending his time playing golf, eating Big Macs, and attacking Kamala Harris.
Kutcher read in USA Today that when POTUS shoots golf, he always takes away anywhere from 12 to 23 strokes.
Mia Kunis' husband said that his home state of Iowa was devastated by a derecho that blew 33% of Iowa's corn into neighboring Kansas.
Kutcher is angry because Trump seems to care more about his damn golf game than sending replacement corn to the state.
Ashton said that Trump's brain seems to be on an extended vacation.
Kutcher said he heard on CNN that the First Lady pointed out that her husband had already misplaced the Missile Launching Remote three times.
The First Lady has pleaded with his chief adviser, Kellyanne Conway, to please find a way to take the remote away from him before he accidentally launches a missile and totally destroys Rhode Island.
Kutcher starred in “That 70s Show”, “Two and a Half Men", and recently guest-starred on “The Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania”.