CRACKERHEAD, Georgia – (Satire News) – A receptionist in a dental office says that she has become an absolute mess, due to the fact that she has been diagnosed with having 42 different personalities.
Daisy Q. Tuckytat, 34, divulged to her therapist, Dr. Ula Dizzler, 51, that the bad thing is that half of the personalities hate the other half, and are constantly at each other’s throats.
Ms. Tuckytat says, as a result, she hasn’t been able to sleep in six days for fear of getting the hell beat out of her, by one or more of her mean inner selves while she sleeps.
She said that, four days ago, while she was having bottomless pancakes at an IHOP, four of her personalities suddenly pounced on another, and it turned into a free-for-all with pancakes, molasses, butter, and peaches flying all over the eatery.
She was taken down to the police station, and booked for inciting a riot.
Tuckytat was asked how her gender number breaks down. She remarked that 22 are male, 19 are female, and 1 is a hermaphrodite, who is attracted to males, females, and elderly French Poodles.
Tuckytat was recently fired from her job. Her manager said that she just got sick and tired of three of her personalities, who are three of the meanest bitches and SOB’s that she has seen in 27 years in the food service industry.
Meanwhile, Vice-President Kamala Harris has been made aware of Tuckytat’s situation, and is checking into possibly having her sent to a special home for multiple-personalitied individuals down in Tierra Del Fuego, Argentina.