MAR-A-LAGO, Florida – (Satire News) – iRumors has divulged that ex-president Donald Trump, aka the former Divider-in-Chief, is actually totally bald.
Trump’s hairstylist, his personal nurse, his sex therapist, and girlfriend, Maria Bartiromo, were all sworn to secrecy, but now that he is no longer president, all bets are off.
Marigold Babble, who has been DJT’s personal nurse since he first entered the White House, said that he has been completely hairless since it was first revealed that he paid Stormy Daniels $150,000 hush money for their 17 hokey-pokey sessions.
Babble, who stated that she gave Trump two enemas a day, revealed that Trump has over 70 different hairpieces ranging in color from light orange to blonde, and gray to pink.
Meanwhile, Trump commented that he has more hair than a Clydesdale horse, and said that Babble is a lying blabbermouth, and, truth be told, she was only giving him one enema a day.
