Editor Criticized By 'Writer' For Editing

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 1 November 2020

image for Editor Criticized By 'Writer' For Editing
It means nothing to me! Oooooooooooooooooooooohhh, Vienna!

The editor of a satirical news website has been severely reprimanded for his behavior whilst carrying out his duties, by one of the site's writers who is, judging by the colorful language he used, upset.

Moys Kenwood, of TheSpoof.com, has been adding commas and full stops, and removing writer-uploaded images that might present 'copyright issues' for the site's owner, Mark Lowton - who is a busy man - since 2018.

During that time, he has had a handful of minor problems, but nothing approaching the current 'spat', in which the unnamed protagonist labeled him:

"BUTTHOLE!"

and:

"an intellectual twit."

The second one really hurt. It brought tears to his eyes.

The situation blew up recently over the writer's insistence that the English language is correct in whatever form a writer chooses to write it, and anyone who says otherwise is a "CLOWN!"

This may come as news to the other writers on the site, who write their stories using correct spellings, and reasonable enough grammar and punctuation. They accept any changes that are made to their stories, and life moves on.

Here, however, life stopped.

"Your commas, your full-stops, your alterations, your usage of other images, your obscure insults re my writing style etc, etc! I hate pedantic ultra-correct bullshit!"

It might be pointed out here that something - language included - is either correct or incorrect, and the use of 'ultra-correct', like ''very correct' or superlatives such as 'the most correct', is incorrect.

Despite this, amidst the usual references to 'rebel' painters such as Dali, Picasso, van Gogh, and Warhol, the hammering-away at the keyboard keys went on:

"There is no CORRECT! You have your wires wrongly programmed CLOWN!"

Continuing in the style of an art critic, he gave his assessment of Turner:

"Did Dali, Picasso, van Gogh, Warhol ever depict something in its photographic originality? No, only BUTTHOLES like Turner did that because they had no fantasy, no creativity, just the talent to copy nature as it really is! That is not art IMHO, that is a FART in the wind," adding, as Midge Ure of Ultravox once did:

"it means nothing to me!"

There was still time for him to reconfirm his dislike for the site's US writers in his customary unfriendly way:

"THEY MAKE ME FUCKING PUKE!"

Hinting at some sort of 'High Noon' showdown to be staged between himself and Kenwood, the editing critic seemed to be suggesting some sort of vague challenge, though the details of this - as with everything that spouts from this deluded mind - were not immediately clear.

Kenwood said:

"He called me 'Gary Cooper', and himself 'THE BAD AND THE UGLY'. I just told him that Mark asked me to tidy up the stories, and that's what I do."

The editor's nemesis ended by saying:

"Final comment here, I need a wank!"

There was no appropriate answer to this cry for help.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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