MEMPHIS – (Satire News) – Justin Bieber recently admitted to Cowbell Notes Music Magazine that he has had more ups and downs in his short life than a pogo stick.
The Canadian-born singer, who has had his problems with alcohol, cocaine, marijuana, asparagus, and even Flintstone Vitamins, said all of that is now in his rear-view mirror.
The 26-year-old confessed that his recent bout with the Zimbabwe Zulu Jungle Fever has shown him that he needs to slow down.
Bieber noted that, luckily, he did not get to the ZZJF’s fourth stage, where one’s fingernails fall off, and the uvula grows to the size of a navel orange.
The artist about whom Lady Gaga said she would like to nurse, and has signed a contract to record a religious album for Ecclesiastics Records.
Bieber noted that he co-wrote some of the songs with Usher, Bob Dylan, Yo Yo Afro Woke, and the Trumpapalooza Ass-Kickin’ band.