President Donald Trump, who had been earmarked as a host for a new Children's Storytime show after he had vacated the White House, has been rejected for the position, after children across the country said he had no credibility left.
The outgoing 74-year-old Trump had been selected as a 'celebrity who could spin yarns', but, according to 93% of the kids asked, Trump was a 'despicable character' who couldn't be believed, and in whom they had absolutely no trust.
One boy, little Peter Johnson, 8, who was questioned by TV executives, said:
"I love stories, but I'm talking about fables, fantasies and fairy tales, not the heaps of fucking shit that Trump fires out of his filthy slack-jacked mouth every time he opens it!"
Others were just as critical:
Millie Harrison, aged 9, was scathing in her condemnation of President Trump when she said:
"We want stories, and exciting tales from exotic places, not embarrassing misinformation and toxic lies dreamt up in the President's addled brain."
Another eight-year-old, Danielle Green, from Washington, pointed out:
"Trump doing Storytime? Don't make me laugh! He exaggerates so much, he'd be saying 'Twice upon a time', or even thrice! The fucking asshole!"
The show was to have had the kind of format where a pool of celebrities were to have taken turns reading a selection of both new and already well-known children's stories, sitting in a rocking chair, and wearing casual knitwear.
When told of the children's comments, the President said: