Contortionist Still Contorted

Funny story written by Mister Meaner

Wednesday, 25 March 2020

image for Contortionist Still Contorted
An artist's impression of a man with not enough to do

An amateur contortionist was still in hospital last night, after attempting a new contortion that had never been tried before, and from which the unfortunate chap couldn't escape.

The contortionist, who hasn't been named, was 'practising' his contortions whilst his wife was watching 'Coronation Street' on the television. All of a sudden, from behind the sofa, there was a groan.

The man's wife takes up the story:

"He was bent over backwards, straining every sinew to get back to his normal position. It was the adverts, so I went to put the kettle on for a cup of tea. When I came back, he was waving to me to help."

She went next door to her taxi-driver neighbour's house, and together they bundled her husband into the back seat of his taxi, and took the contortee to the nearest hospital, where unsuccessful efforts were made to disentangle his arms and legs.

A senior doctor at the hospital said:

"It's one of those cases like the idiots who go up Ben Nevis in a blizzard, or the tossers suffering from exposure after going swimming in the sea on Christmas Day. A complete waste of our time. We'll try bending him back to normal when we have somebody free."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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