'A Question Of Sport' Sue Barker Faces Axe

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 6 February 2020

image for 'A Question Of Sport' Sue Barker Faces Axe
Sue, practising her 'gottle of geer' smile, aged 8

A major controversy is brewing at the BBC this evening, after it was announced that the 'A Question of Sport' host, former tennis star, Sue Barker, is to be replaced on the show by a cardboard cut-out of herself.

Barker, 63, was a surprise choice when she began hosting the two-team sports quizshow in 1997, taking over from David Coleman, who sounded like a cross between someone who was learning English, and a man in a pub at 10:45 on a Saturday night.

She presented the show as if she were facing a firing squad.

When she smiled or laughed, her face resembled that of a grotesque ventriloquist's dummy. She was wooden.

Her voice sounded like a nursery school assistant speaking to a 3-year-old who'd filled his nappy. Barker was 'out of place'.

The BBC, however, decided to 'give her time' to grow into the role, and to gain confidence, but, after 23 years, Barker has stretched the broadcaster's patience just a little bit too far, and for far too long.

They will continue to screen 'A Question of Sport', but will use a cardboard version of Barker, smiling her forced, hardwood-like grin.

A spokesman for the BBC said:

"We almost went for a robot in Miss Barker's form, but reasoned that cardboard would be more representative of what viewers have become used to."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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