For years it has been one of the most exclusive and sought-after private venues in the world. Next month, Sir Elton John will be opening up his rectum for a New Years Eve concert to remember, featuring the Birmingham Philharmonic Orchestra.
Conductor Geoff Twothreefour was ecstatic about the booking. "Sir Elton's interior forms a natural amphitheatre. It's a bit like the Albert Hall, but with shit on the walls and a furry entrance. I know my players can't wait to get inside."
Despite some concern about subsidence and dead bodies that have been found inside, the arena is being cleaned thoroughly in anticipation of a VIP audience that will include the Queen.
Although it is not the first time that concerts have been held inside Sir Elton, it will be the first time that it will be publicly broadcast. The BBC will provide a live feed, and have promised an extra special treat.
Spokesman Alan Lube said, "I shouldn't reveal this, but for the finale, Sir Elton John himself will appear on stage. Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, we will be able to holographically project Sir Elton inside his own arse."