Elton John announces new musical

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Tuesday, 26 March 2019

Famous glasses-wearer and singer, Elton John, has written a new musical, which starts this weekend in the West End of London. The musical is called Daniel, and has raised eyebrows over its controversial subject matter, so TheSpoof interviewed Elton exclusively to ask him about it.

“It’s a little bit funny,” said Mr John. “Me and Bernie were trying to think of a sad tragic story to write about and we went through all the diseases. Leprosy - nothing rhymes with leprosy. Ebola only rhymes with tombola and Gorgonzola, so good luck getting a musical out of that. So then we settled on AIDS.”

“AIDS rhymes with lots of things, like rollerblades. Right away we had our opening number, with rollerblading AIDS victims singing joyfully, doing jazz hands.”

Elton began to sing:
AIDS, I’ve got AIDS, I’ve got AIDS and I’m on rollerblades, woooh!

“It’s really an uplifting musical about how you should try to stay positive, even if you’re having a bit of an off-day.”

A lot of people have criticised Elton for writing such a frivolous production about such a serious topic, but he claims to have had numerous supportive letters from AIDS sufferers. “As a gayer myself,” said Elton, “Many people already think I have AIDS. I don’t. So it’s a bit like how only black people can get away with using the n-word. Only gayers like me can get away with writing a musical about AIDS. Lloyd Webber wouldn’t dare try.”

The musical’s plot line follows a young man called Daniel who catches AIDS and learns to live with it. It incorporates many of John’s well known hits. He explained, “There are some original numbers in there, but we’ve managed to include a few of my old songs too. It’s very well done, the lyrics have been subtly changed to fit the story, but you wouldn’t even notice. There’s ‘Candle in the AIDS’, ‘Crocodile AIDS’, and ‘Can you feel the AIDS tonight?’”

“Also, there is the song Daniel. Instead of the usual chorus line of Daniel you’re a star they sing Daniel you’ve got AIDS.”

Daniel opens at the Queen’s Theatre this Saturday.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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