Man Might Have Fallen Foul Of Mafia Crime Bosses

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 24 May 2019

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Horrific horse horror

Keeping one's head down and maintaining a low profile, especially when in a foreign country, is always a good idea, but one man thinks he may have overstepped his boundaries after he received an unexpected gift from an as-yet unknown benefactor.

Moys Kenwood, 55, a resident of Tapon commune in Battambang, woke at 5am this morning to be greeted by a sight that would turn most normal people's stomachs - the trademark of the Sicilian Mob - a decapitated horse's head* on his pillow.

Quick-witted, he hid the 'gift' from his wife and children, and considered who he might have upset enough to have attracted this kind of attention.

"Yes," he thought, "I'm a bit critical of local beliefs and customs, religion, corruption, the police, lack of services and sanitation, development in general, the lack of awareness people display when riding motorcycles, and I've token other gripes, but, apart from that, nothing to justify this kind of over-the-top act of hate."

At this, he concluded that local organized crime gangs were probably not responsible, and that targets of his spare time hobby of lambasting political, sporting and entertainment figures might be at the bottom of the problem.

It could be Sir Elton John, he reasoned, or Sinead O'Connor, or even - he fantasized - President Donald Trump. Worrying prospects, all three.

Latest reports from the area say that the Englishman is keeping a careful eye out for suspiciously-discarded banana skins, and is now trying to stay under the radar for a while until the situation returns to normal.


* No animals were harmed during the making of this story

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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