Pumpkin Gavin Williamson is feeling a bit down about not being picked for Halloween this year. The orange, round fruit is only small compared to the other Pumpkins and has many skin imperfections. 'This year was going to be my year' said the pi…
Some farmers from MAGA Iowa and Nebraska have been growing pumpkins, with a special mutant pumpkin named “The Trumpkin”. Now, all you MAGAs can enjoy a big fat hard-faced orange gourd on your front porches, with flicking light in its triangle eyes…
New Halloween cosmetic kits will soon be on the market – but these are special, just for those who find themselves in a mass shooting scenario. Ladies, how big are your purses? The kit comes in various sizes, with the compact version able to fit into…
Putin hasn’t really given a timeline on when he wants to start World War 3, but a Moscow insider has given a hint. “What is scariest time of year? Time when people think things are scary but they know no really cuz it’s holiday? Yes, my friend, is…
A warning has been issued concerning this coming Halloween in the USA. In certain states (Florida and Texas being the two most named), there are certain Halloween costumes that will not necessarily put candy into your child’s bag. In fact, they co…
Coming soon (to help pay for his lawyer’s fees) is the new Steve Bannon Halloween mask! Have you ever looked at Bannon and said, “Oh God, noooooooo! Hell hath been unleashed!” Ha ha, well now you can scare all your friends and their kids by don…
Hello. Welcome to Russia. Is Halloween. Let us go to first house. Hello, give me. Okay, what we have this house? Bullets. Yes, very good, Russian like to give and receive many bullets for the children. Next house. Hello, give me. Okay, this is…
In a local Tesco, unsold, slightly rotting Pumpkin Tim Claypole and unsold firework Christoper Biggins are commiserating about their fate. 'It is dreadful' bewailed Tim 'no-one wanted me. I was not taken into a toddler's home, to feel the love tha…
Plucky young Pumpkin Bobby Roberts has been told tales of what happens to Pumpkins at Halloween, and now, like all of us, he lives in a world of dread. 'I heard' bewailed Bobby 'that the lucky ones of us suffer all types of torment, and any unluck…
Donald Trump Halloween masks are already selling off the shelf. Some of these masks are selling with skeleton outfits (which is contradictory even for Halloween), while others are pre-packaged with wrinkled navy blue suits and red ties sold by the ya…
CUCUMBER CREEK, Rhode Island – (Satire News) – Little 8-year-old dare devil sensation Billy “Rocket Boy” Pizzquilly was bound and determined to prove that he can get his rocket contraption, which he named “Bitchfire,” to travel at speeds exceeding 12…
After months of self-isolation watching Happy Days reruns and Harry Potter movies on Netflix with his kids, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau reportedly spent most of Wednesday morning asking friends and staffers whether this Halloween was the o…
Halloween, or All Hallows' Eve, is just around the corner again, but with the deadly Coronavirus still doing its dastardly work, changes to the normal Halloween format have had to be made. Perhaps the most impirtant change is an adaptation of the…
LOS ANGELES – (Satire News) – The Los Angeles Post-Gazette has just noted that the number one-selling Halloween mask for this Halloween season is the President Donald Trump mask. One of the nation’s leading Halloween mask producers, Masks & A…
A boy in Harlesden has told his friends that he is really looking forward to Halloween this year. Billy Shrapnel, 12, said he always enjoys this time of the year, because there are two exciting events within a week of each other - Halloween and Gu…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Spoof News) The President, after meeting with top advisers, has issued a statement stating that he has decided to cancel this year’s Halloween. Top advisers, Ivanka Trump, Kellyanne Conway, and Eric Trump, all agree that having…
There's disappointment amongst children of all ages right across the country this evening, as the news filtered through that Halloween had been cancelled, after it was discovered that pumpkins are imported into the UK from Europe. The UK Food Agen...
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