GUCAMOLE GROVE, Caifornia – (Satire News) – The news media is reporting that the Taco Bell board of directors has just voted 27-1 to ban Ted Cruz from getting within 75 feet of Taco Bell property.
Board member Antonio Lopez de San Saludos, remarked that Cruz deserves to be stripped of his political title, and have to go back to working as a clown for the Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey Circus, for leaving Texas during the biggest snow storm in Texas history.
De San Saludos also noted that Cruz will have to forfeit his coveted “Park Right By The Front Door” privileges for abandoning his constituents and running off to the Equator, in order to keep from freezing his lying tongue off.
Taco Bell says that it will cost the company over $3 million to reprint over 140,000 menus. The company says they are renaming Cruz's chalupa, "The Guatemala Guy Volcano."