Zombie-Owned Restaurants increasing in Popularity across the Country

Funny story written by Chef Bonesmasher IV

Saturday, 17 October 2020

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Consumption of human brains has increased by more than 391% in the last three years.

Despite making up less than 1% of the American population, Zombies are one of the most unique ethnic minorities in the country due to their eccentric, albeit intriguing, lifestyle. One such area of cultural distinction is the rather interesting choices of cuisine. The consumption of human flesh is a staple among many traditional Zombie households. While some communities may consider cannibalism a questionable food source, many towns and states across the country have been opening up to the concept.

One such place is the state of New Jersey, where Governor Phil Murphy has recently passed a law allowing the consumption of human meat in zombie-owned facilities. Many advocates for Zombie equality have celebrated the law as a step towards justice for all humans, regardless of life or death.

I recently had an opportunity to visit a zombie-owned establishment in Central Jersey, called the Blood-Curdling Buffet (BCB). The BCB is one of less than 100 zombie-exclusive restaurants across the country, and it specializes in cooking parts of the human brain for consumption. Though some individuals prefer the muscles or gut of humans, most zombies prefer brains as their primary food source.

Human brains are harvested from students at a number of local high schools. The teenage years of humans are when the brain is ripest for consumption. The heightened levels of stress, over-saturation of information, and excess sleep deprivation provide a despair-filled flavor for zombies. The BCB guaranteed its brains are fresh, not frozen, and ensures only the most pessimistic of brains end up on their customers' platters.

I had the privilege of visiting the BCB this past weekend, and had the opportunity to taste a variety of their dishes. The BCB boasts over 20 different food items, all made from different portions of the brain. The restaurant has made multiple claims that its dishes will assist in curing a variety of afflictions that often affect zombies, such as Lack of Voluntary Muscle Movement, Low Sensory Ability, and Absence of Higher Brain Function. However, these claims have yet to be proven.

I tried dishes from over half the BCB's menu (brains and all) and one of my favorite dishes is, by far, the Savory Cerebellum Steak. The meat has a very distinct taste, unlike most meat I've eaten before. I'd say it tasted more like a combination of boiled eggs and fish, rather than muscular tissue. It was a bit mushy, but it is certainly something I'd recommend potential customers to try out!

Though the BCB is zombie-owned, it caters to both humans and zombies. The establishment hopes to be a pioneer for American-Zombie cuisine and culture by introducing regular human citizens to the world of brain food. Though some people may be squeamish about the idea, the restaurant hopes the concept will catch on soon. The number of zombie-owned establishments has increased significantly, and the future looks bright for these putrefied business owners.

More information regarding the Blood-Curdling Buffet can be found on their Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blood_curdling_buffet/?hl=en

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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