San Diego, California - A representative with Jack-In-The-Box has informed a reporter with The Los Angeles Post-Gazette that their corporation feels that eating an Ultimate Cheesburger could possibly prevent someone from getting COVID-19.
Pettus Hightimber, 63, who has been with the burger giant ever since he was 22, said that his belief is basically based on what he calls fast food intuition.
He noted that, years ago, he was the first to discover that sprinkling cinnamon sugar on lettuce helped to keep it looking very green, and increased the expiration date by a full 11 days.
He also found out that putting sesame seeds on hamburger buns serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever other than to get those pesky little friggin seeds lodged in between your teeth.
Mr. Hightimber does want to stress that although there really is no concrete scientific proof about his Ultimate Cheesburger theory, he does guarantee that it certainly won’t hurt you.