Target Fires Long-Standing Employee for Thinking About Saying Racial Slur

Funny story written by David E. Wesley

Monday, 30 September 2019

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At a Target located in downtown Chicago, Human Resources Director Pam Ridgefield announced to the local media today that Marketing Manager Frank Richards was terminated for thinking about saying the N-word.

Speaking from her luxury home in a Chicago suburb via video conferencing, the HR leader and mother of two said, “We are a diverse corporation that does not discriminate against any race, color, creed, or sexual orientation and we are saddened that Frank Richards involuntarily thought about saying the N-word to his colleague today. Our PC police department, which implanted microchips into our employees’ necks to monitor their thoughts, informed us when the N-word appeared in Frank’s brain. It was then that our PC team opened up a ticket in our system and Mr. Richards was terminated immediately from his 20-year desk job as a marketing manager.

During his abrupt exit interview with management, after he was forcibly removed by security and given less than ten minutes to pack up two decades worth of shit from his desk, Frank mentioned that he grew annoyed at his African American co-worker Lloyd Jenkins for playing gangster rap at a high volume in the office.

It was like Dan Aykroyd’s character in Ghostbusters in that scene where he thinks about the State Puft Marshmallow Man. “It just popped in there. The N-word just popped into my head. I had no control over it. I think it happened because I heard the word multiple times in the rap songs that Lloyd played constantly. I’m not a racist.”

Most of the Human Resource employees working there had become close friends with Richards, and agreed that they didn’t think he was racist, but they couldn’t risk the media backlash that would occur if they kept paying him his middle class salary that was barely keeping him and his family above water.

This is NOT a developing story.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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