A new non-alcoholic kebab bar has opened in Bradford today specialising in vegetarian and gluten-free kebabs, although in an effort not to insult some potential customers, it won't be declared nut-free. Thought by cynics to be named after the hue...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock informed us this morning that he had a great idea for a story last night, then promptly forgot what it was and spent the remainder of yesterday evening repeatedly punching himself in the face until bed time. "I was wa...
What was claimed to be a U.S. made search and destroy drone was shot down by a SAM this morning. No casualties were reported. The drone "hit" was claimed by by Mustapha Badpun of the Doner Kebab staff. A spokesman for the Turkish kebab house told...
St. James Park, Newcastle: The Tyne flows and along comes a veteran gunslinger, Roy Kinnear, brought in by Mike Ashley in a new role as an assassinator or terminator... Upon his appointment Roy Kinnear referred to players Yohan "Kebab" (Cabaye),...
Donor kebab has said it is tired of being a late-night booty call and wants men to admit to their relationship when sober and not only after consuming twenty-five Jaeger-bombs and enough ketamine to knock out a small bear. The statement came after...
'McNab's Kebabs' in the leafy village of Little Divot has been identified as the source of a recent food poisoning outbreak. Last Saturday night eight local clubbers were hospitalised after consuming kebabs following a night out at the 'Shit's and...
Police in Edinburgh have launched an investigation after a local dog was threatened with a doner kebab. The incident happened in the early hours of Wednesday morning in the Leith area of the city. The dog, Scamp, an executive with Woof Woof Com...
Isle of Dogs - Archaeologists are dead pleased at today's find of royal remains under Barking's Primadoner Kebab Emporium take-away. The Plantagenet king's bones were discovered during an elf 'n' safety procedure following complaints about a whiff...
Vaduz - 'Fabulously wealthy' Prince Alois of Liechtenstein has been unmasked as missing Barking kebab peddler Constantidis Paranoidius. The fugitive from justice is wanted on Isle of Dogs food poisoning charges following an outbreak of canine VD a...
Dorking Kebab shop owner Ali Baba today told of his pride at winning an award for his 'Family Octopus Jumper'. Baba, 43, who has owned the Kebab shop in Dorking High St for 6 years, keeps pet octopuses at his family home, but told how they suffere...
Ali Baba, owner of Dorking Kebab House on Dorking High St, announced today that he will be selling his fax machine as he discovered the only other owner of a fax machine in the United Kingdom lived in the flat above his shop. Mr Baba, 43, has owne...
A glorified bunny, in Stockholm, knows how to herd the sheep. Additionally, a sheepdog breeder says the sheep seem to pay the rabbit minder a lot of respect. As a human-interest story, there are 700,000 You-Tube hits, but there is a chilling truth behind this story: why the sheep allow a little rabbit to move them around? Can we compare the other flock, people, with the literal sheep here?...
London - A spectral image that suddenly materialised on the Delancey Street Kebab Taverna window was a dead ringer for the Babyshambles musician proprietor Costas Kleftiko said today. The Camden takeaway is host to an unofficial shrine to deceased...
The International Federation Of Dieticians today named The Pie And Pizza Diet the worst in the world - ever. The diet, brainchild of Professor KFC McDonald of Sunderland College Of Arts And Technology was universally acknowledged as being utterly...
Dorking Magma - A writer from the Spoof website was in shock tonight as a strange oily apparition began, er, manifesting all over his £4.95p doner kebab wrapper.... just as he turned 54 years of age! At first glance the trompe l'oeil looked a dead...
London - 'Doner or shish?' will be the main course choice as President Abdullah Gul and his fetching wife dine with British royals at Buckingham Palace tonight. Apparently the Queen's chefs felt unable to rise to the exacting challenge of Turkish...
South coast kebab and burger entrepreneur Ali Bullo has blamed the recent unrest in Worthing on crap burgers and kebabs. Ali Bullo explained that, being elderly mobility scooter riders and decadent MILF's, most of the troublemakers couldn't handle...
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