10 MORE Extremely Brutal and Horrifying Things That You Should Never Say on a First Date
WARNING: This article should not be read by anyone who is considering online dating for the purposes of finding true love, companionship, or even a balanced life. It is the unfortunate sequel to an article that you probably never read in the first place, and it was written by a cognitively-confused, obsessive-compulsive, chain-smoking, beer-guzzling, angry little man who hasn't been laid for ove...
Read full storyUS reported mulling application of Khashoggi case to Assange
Mr. Trump, concerned over an arms sales deal with Saudi Arabia worth $110billion, is being cautious over the Jamal Khashoggi case. An investigation with teeth in it could interrupt his friendship with the Saudis and affect arms deals down the road...
Read full storyPrincess Eugenie Tits Gaffe In Royal Wedding Coverage
The Royal Wedding of Princess Eugenie and Jack Brooksbank has been spoilt by the BBC, whose subtitles staff could think of nothing better to remark upon than her breasts As the princess alit from her vehicle at Windsor Castle, a nation of TV viewe...
Read full storyFootball Gossip: Scotland, Mourinho, England, Usain Bolt
Scotland head coach Alex McLeish urged his young players to show him they've "got a pair" against Israel on Thursday. After their shambolic defeat he apparently lined them all up in the dressing room and used calipers to measure their tackle before s...
Read full storyConor McGregor Suspended For Being A Complete And Utter Twat
Fresh from his recent stunning defeat at the hands of the Russian, Khabib Nurmagomedov, former UFC featherweight and lightweight champion, Conor McGregor, has been suspended from all forms of fighting, for being a complete and utter twat. This inc...
Read full storyToilet Was 'Out Of Order', But Man Was Desperate
A toilet that was displaying an 'Out Of Order' sign was the scene of an unsavoury incident in Hull recently, when a man who was shopping in the city centre realized he was desperate for a babber. Moys Kenwood, 55, was ambling vacantly around the P…
Read full storyFatties on trains and planes complain, but bogs for 'skinnies' remain!
Be aware, this story is "utter shite", Ed. Even the most normal size people hate the thought of entering a bog on a plane or train, they stink! However, people who enjoy fast travelling and, very much fast food before boarding and, on board (ch...
Read full storyBill Cosby Jail Escape Latest
After what newspaper reports have already called 'The Cosby Redemption', women all across the United States were being warned to be 'extremely vigilant' this evening, after it was revealed that the jailed former comedian, Bill Cosby, had managed to o...
Read full storyLocal Man Recuperating in Hospital
Breastfield, Illinois. Steven Bauers, 47, was rushed to St. Jessica's Lutheran Catholic Memorial Local Hospital last Wednesday evening after emergency responders found him shaking, bleeding, and crying on his bathroom floor. Neighbors called the po...
Read full storyJoketsuzoku Warriors Splash Trump, McConnell, Kavanaugh with Nyannichuan Water
WASHINGTON D.C. - Chaos erupted in the nation's capital as elite members of the Joketsuzoku splashed President Donald Trump, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh with Nyannichuan water from the cursed springs of Jusenkyo. The Joketsuzoku, a tribe of female warriors embedded deep in the deepest mountainous regions of China, were rumored to have died o...
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