Medical Association Declares Eggs are Bad, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays
The Association of Super Intelligent Doctors and Scientists has revealed the findings of a 3 billion-dollar, 20-year study. The research concluded that eating eggs on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays is bad for the health. The chief of cardiolog...
Read full storyLonely Man Says Completely Wrong Thing To Woman
United States. Brad Michaels, 34, completely blew it last Friday when he met a gorgeous woman in the supermarket. Shopping by himself and feeling lonely, the most stunning woman he had ever seen, was suddenly shopping right next to him. He coul...
Read full story‘Mole’ Spotted In Mueller Nude Russian Selfie Snap
Washington AC/DC - (Spotty Ass Mess): A distinctive birth mark, potentially a mole, has been discovered on the naked buttocks of a Russian selfie in Robert Mueller’s ongoing Pootin Probe. The move comes after last week’s FBI seizure of data item m...
Read full storyMatch Of The Day Gary Lineker To Enter Politics
In a week which saw US movie star, Angelina Jolie, refuse to rule out a possible future move into politics, Match Of The Day host, Gary Lineker, also appears to be taking a similar route. Lineker, 58, has taken US President Donald Trump as his exa...
Read full storyMan Develops 'Burning' Tendonitis After Wiping His Ass Too Many Times
Tom Wallace, a 46-year-old Canadian living in the United States, who asked the news team not to reveal his whereabouts in Portage County, Wisconsin, developed burning tendonitis in his right arm, late November, after wiping his ass too many times.
Read full storyTrump Visited By Ghosts Of Anti-Communists Past
He was about to slumber, alone in the White House on this winter's Christmas Eve. Melania and the boys were in Mar-A-Lago. Congress and a quarter of the Federal workforce was shut down. The few advisers that he still listened to had suggested he not go to Florida with the rest of the family. With so many Fed employees not working and not having extra money for the holidays, they felt that it would...
Read full storyPresident Trump - Homeland Security Has Uncovered Mexican Invasion Plan
US Homeland Security has uncovered what it says is a plot to invade US territory by its neighbor, Mexico, and is taking "appropriate action" to thwart this. The 'evidence' has been provided from two sources: the first, from a captured Mexican sold...
Read full storyMidwestern Resident Abused and Tortured by Psychologically-Maladjusted Dwarves on Christmas for No Apparent Reason
Lafayette County, Wisconsin. Jerry Brenner, 32, was maliciously abused and tortured by several psychologically-maladjusted dwarves last Tuesday, December 25th. Mr. Brenner had been sitting comfortably in his apartment having a magnificent h...
Read full storyTrump Threatens to "Totally Destroy" Ankara if Turks Attack Kurds
The White House. President Donald Trump today tweeted a threat to Turkey's President Recep Erdogan in the event of a Turkish attack on Kurds in Syria. "I love Recep, but if he unwisely moves militarily against our Kurdish allies, the U.S. will res...
Read full storyNashville Man Forgets How to Ride a Bike
Contrary to popular wisdom that riding a bicycle is something that one never forgets how to do, 58-year-old Puck Fleming of Nashville, Tennessee, was midway through a quick jaunt to a nearby market when the recollection of how to ride a bicycle sudde...
Read full story