Ex-Pope Ratzinger Doing Well After Exorcism
Ex-Pope Ratzinger is recuperating well after an emergency exorcism was performed on him. Eight exorcists, three of them Cardinals from Africa, Germany and Ireland spent seven weeks, seven hours and seven minutes casting out demons from the ex-Pontif...
Read full storyUS Surgeon General Recomends Federal Copulation Center
WASHINGTON, DC - Surgeon General Vice Admiral (VADM) Vivek H. Murthy, M.D., M.B.A., released a study today recommending that President Obama issue an executive order to establish a Federal United Copulation Center (FUCC). The report, 17 years in t...
Read full storyKerry Kennedy's daughter found spark out
Westchester, New York - Congenital Ambien deficiency is suspected after 17 year-old Michaela, daughter of Kerry Kennedy and New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, was found slumped on the floor of her mother's home. "So far no bathtubs appear to be invo...
Read full storyYorkshire Psalms: Psalm 23
'Em Lord is us shepherd; us shall not lack. 'E shall make us to be lyin' down in all 'em pastures green, aye lad; 'e is leadin' at me beside all 'em still waters, oo eck! 'E has been revivin' at us Northern Souls; 'im guides me in all them paths of rahteousness for 'is name's sake 'n' that. Aye, though I shall be walkin' through 'em valley of that shadow of death, as it were; I shall not...
Read full storyScientists Blame Solar Eclipses on Global Climate Change
WASHINGTON, DC - USGS Chief Scientist, Jack MeHoff, released a study today that concludes that the increasing number of solar eclipses is due to Global Climate Change, caused by human activity. The report cites historical records dating back to th...
Read full storyTed Cruz Addresses the "Two Americas"
HOUSTON, TX--Aspiring presidential candidate and Tea Party darling Ted Cruz has taken a page from left-leaning populist and one-time presidential candidate John Edwards, to draw attention to what he is calling the "two Americas," comprising, in his v...
Read full storyNeed a Human Being? Let a 3-D Printer Produce One for You!
Goshen, IN-Can't get a date for the prom or the homecoming dance? Need a temporary assistant to run your office while your dependable office assistant is on vacation? Ready to panic? You may not need to panic. A local company which specializes in...
Read full storyTelsa Motors Unveils Coal-Powered SUV
PALO ALTO, CA - Telsa Motors' CEO, Ellen Mush, announced their next "green" vehicle - The Telsa Model C. The model C is the first coal-powered vehicle since the 1884 Trepardeux. It was a coal fired steam propelled carriage. Ms. Mush said the new M...
Read full storyMillions of families living in cars after losing houses
Good news today as Philip and Victoria Sherlock from Warrington, who have been forced to live in their Ford Focus car due to spiralling debt, have been temporarily housed in a local hotel. The desperate plight of the couple was televised on ITV' s G...
Read full storyCelebrity Countdown ends in Meltdown for George Osborne
The pilot TV show, Celebrity Countdown and hosted by Jeremy Clarkson , has been shelved after an embarrassing episode involving chancellor of the exchequer, George Osborne MP. It all began swimmingly well until contestant Mr Osborne failed to ach...
Read full storyPresident Obama Issues Executive Order Mandating That All African-Americans Must Vote
WASHINGTON, DC - In a stunning moment, President Obama signed an executive order that mandates all African-Americans to vote. Obama signed the order in a meeting in Detroit on Thursday. "We shouldn't be making it harder to vote, we should be makin...
Read full storyUK Libraries Given Special Powers
Libraries in the UK have been granted special powers under a new ruling from the Scottish Rite Freemasons, known colloquially in London as The House of Commons. The Lodge is charged with the implementation of the New World Order under guidance fr...
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