UK Libraries Given Special Powers

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Friday, 20 March 2015

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A Place for Everything...and...

Libraries in the UK have been granted special powers under a new ruling from the Scottish Rite Freemasons, known colloquially in London as The House of Commons.

The Lodge is charged with the implementation of the New World Order under guidance from the Jesuit Think Tank called The Holy See that draws up the political agenda for the White House and the United Nations as well as the European Parliament, etc. Members meet regularly at Bohemian Grove California where their political functionaries are briefed as to the requisites of the Order in its plan to gain dominion over the world.

Hitherto, librarians could 'fine' patrons for returning books late. Their powers went no further.

That has all been changed. Now, visitors to a library will have to undergo the same rigours as they would expect at any airport such as Heathrow, ie, a full body scan, passport check and a card to be filled in giving their phone numbers, address, occupation, political and religious persuasion, what bank they belong to, how often they visit an ATM, names of family, friends, their reading habits, addresses, nationalities, emails and professions, blood type, sperm count, medical history, etc, etc.

Failure to comply may lead to arrest as every library will now be staffed with armed security personnel put there for that purpose.

Angry objections to this procedure by anybody will be considered "aggressive behaviour" and "incitement to terrorism" and the offender will be arrested immediately and later charged in court with disturbing the peace, threatening violence and/or anti-social behaviour.

Before trial the offender will be rigorously questioned and if found to have left wing or religious views believed to be "undemocratic" or if he/she fails a mandatory lie detection test, can be detained indefinitely "at Her Majesty's pleasure".

Yesterday, amid much applause, Prime Minister David Cameron addressed fellow Masons (who sometimes, over drinks, often refer to themselves jokingly as "political parties") as follows:

"It should readily be understood that certain books placed in the wrong hands can be viewed as a reckless and irresponsible action and a threat to our democratic way of life. It is in the public's interest therefore that reading, like any other social activity, cannot go unchecked. It is a matter of sound prudence in the climate of 'terrorism' that those who have access to reading matter supplied to them by a democratically elected government should be thoroughly screened by that government for the protection of the public at large. We feel impelled to implement these measures in order to protect our freedom of speech. Our sworn duty after all is to the banks... er,... I mean the people."

Books made available to public libraries will henceforth have to meet with the approval of a special parliamentary committee set up for the purpose. An emissary from the Vatican Cardinal Alphonse Pike cousin of ex-Pope Ratzinger has been invited to act as advisor in drawing up and implementing an Index Librorum Prohibitorum or Black List of "undesirable reading matter".

It is rumoured the Bible will be the first book on it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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