WASHINGTON, DC - USGS Chief Scientist, Jack MeHoff, released a study today that concludes that the increasing number of solar eclipses is due to Global Climate Change, caused by human activity.
The report cites historical records dating back to the beginning of time.
Mr. Mehoff's press release stated that before humans existed, there were no recorded instances of solar eclipses. It was only after humans evolved from chimpanzees that solar eclipses were recorded, making it a statistical certainty that mankind is responsible for all solar eclipses.
In a related report, Mr. Mehoff stated that all volcanic activity, floods, hurricanes, earthquakes and plane crashes were also caused by Global Climate Change, since there is no record of these instances before human activities.