WASHINGTON, DC - Surgeon General Vice Admiral (VADM) Vivek H. Murthy, M.D., M.B.A., released a study today recommending that President Obama issue an executive order to establish a Federal United Copulation Center (FUCC).
The report, 17 years in the making and costing taxpayers $37.2 billion dollars, identifies several maladies and conditions that could be minimized or even eliminated by the FUCC:
Potential rapists could use the facility to satisfy their needs, preventing hundreds or thousands of rapes.
Fat and ugly people could get their sexual needs satisfied, drastically reducing the amount of cyber-bullying that occurs.
There would be a special "Visitors' Center", where peeping Toms could fulfill their requirements. This would free law enforcement to address stiffer crimes.
The proposed cost of the center is $486 billion, which could be paid by raising the income tax rate of those making over $100,000 from 76% to 89%.