Entertainment giant lays off one-fourth of its employees
HOLLYWEIRD, CA -- Reeling from the backlash of conservative and family values groups that followed the outing of company gay CEO, Mickey Mouse--by himself, no less--the entertainment giant, suffering a decline in sales that has rocked its bottom line...
Read full storyParanoid Poles ask Pentagon to send cruise missiles to UK
Washington - The Pentagon was considering its position today after lawyers acting on behalf of several hundred expat Poles living close to a former US Air Force base in Greenham Common, UK, rang Chuck Hagel begging for help. Fears of an imminent R...
Read full storyPagan Baby Finally Arrives Forty Two Years late
When Miriam Moeller slipped a dollar and forty cents into an envelope in her fourth grade Catholic school classroom during a "Pagan Baby Campaign",she fully expected to get a pagan baby in return. She dutifully kept vigil by her mailbox for days. Day...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Consults A Freckles Specialist
BEVERLY HILLS - The Hollywood starlet who seems to have amazingly turned her turbulent life around, Lindsay Lohan, says that she is really feeling good about her self after years of despair. Lohan spent three months last year at The Henry & Be...
Read full storyPussy Riot: dissidence is "finger-licking good"
MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- In a second attempt to garner publicity within weeks of its first, the Russian punk band Pussy Riot--or two of their members, at any rate--entered a U.S. restaurant, McDonald's, and ordered green paint for breakfast. Their order...
Read full storyCalifornia Considering A Ban On Tuna Fish
SACRAMENTO - There is talk coming out of the state's capital that there is a strong possibility that the California Senate may move to place a ban on tuna fish. A spokesperson for the state commented that recent reports put out by The Amalgamated...
Read full storyGoogle: you will soon be replaced by a robot
SILICONE VALLEY, CA - Google CEO Eric Schmidt says his company is making "progress" in its campaign to solve the unemployment crisis once and for all time by replacing human beings with robots. "By making people redundant," Schmidt said, "we no lo...
Read full storyBook Review - The Iliad by Homer
Another great book by Homer. The guy amazes me, he really does, sometimes you think he is a buffoon, an idiot even, and then he pulls this masterpiece out of his bag of tricks. How he gets the time to write, what with working at Mr Burn's nuclear power plant and dealing with that rascal Bart I have no idea, but there is obviously more to the yellow skinned Simpson than meets the eye. I a...
Read full storyKim Jong Un joins USO tour as a standup comic
Pyongyang, North Korea - Worried that a harsh winter has devastated the morale of his armed forces, North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un joined his nation's top performers on a USO tour of the country's military bases last month. Before embarki...
Read full storyBook Review - Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
This is not a book about a group of female dwarfs living in a trailer park in Sarasota, Florida. That book has not yet been written. If you can get over that fact and move on and if like me by Chapter 8 realize that this is nothing to do with pole dancing midgets or a beach resort in the Southern United States then you may find yourself liking this book. The Quiet American by Graham Green...
Read full storyBook Review - 12 Angry Men by Reginald Rose
Probably the same 12 angry men I saw today who had their cars towed from outside my office building. Now they were REALLY angry, but, they only had themselves to blame, as well placed signs do state, very clearly in fact, that parking is reserved for designated pass holders. I am sorry, but I make NO apologies for calling the tow truck on them. The Flintstones Christmas in Bedrock by Kid Rhino...
Read full storySierra Club Calls for Mandatory Bed Times
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Sierra Club President, Michael Brune, announced today that the Sierra Club is calling for mandatory bed times for all humans. The announcement came shortly after a 27,339 page report on the benefits and drawbacks of Daylight Sa...
Read full storyHow To Spot A Transsexual
More and more men are taking female hormones, receiving breast implants, and undergoing sex-change operations to become "women." Some start these procedures while they're still teens and more than a few mimic women so well that they can use the ladies' room without raising an eyebrow among real women or can snare a man of their own. Of course, red-blooded American men want no part--especially not...
Read full storyFriends WITHOUT benefits?
One of the greatest and longest running mysteries in Hollywood was explained last night. For years people everywhere have been at a loss to explain just why Jennifer Aniston, one of the most beautiful women in the world has been unable to hold on to...
Read full storyCrippling Sanctions Enforced on U.K. Chavs by Russia - Pirate Movies Double in Price, Sratch Cards Sabotaged
Russian Supremo, Vladimir Putin is retaliating against the U.K.s Chav poplulation. Thought to be in response to William Hague's devastating "debating society" dialogue, he screamed, "I will punish every single Chav in the U.K. I will sabotage scra...
Read full storyJustin Bieber throws tantrum at deposition
MIAMI VICE, FL - Teen idol and wannabe bad boy Justin Bieber, 20, was grilled during a four-hour deposition in which he was asked whether he sent one of his "tough guys" to attack a photographer last year. "I don't recall," the Biebs said. The pop star was then asked whether Selena Gomez had ever seen him in a "scuffle" with the paparazzi. "Don't mention that b****'s name to me!" the singer sob...
Read full storyKhloe Kardashian Says Hosting The Waffle Wars Has Saved Her Sanity
HOLLYWOOD - Last year was not a good one for Khloe Kardashian of the LaLaLand Kardashian Klan. First she was fired from her X-Factor hosting job and then her husband NBA star Lamar Odom started messing around on her. Khloe said that although her s...
Read full storyBlake Shelton Has Just Bought The Sudsalicious Beer Brewing Company
NASHVILLE - Country music recording artist Blake Shelton says that he's as happy as a woodpecker with two peckers. One of the stars of The Voice appeared on The Gorgeous Gary Busey Show and told the host that he has just become the proud-as-hell o...
Read full storyTwo Members of The All-Girl Punk Band, Pussy Riot Are Attacked At A Fast Food Restaurant
NIZHNY NOVGOROD, Russia - Russian singers Nadezhda Tolokonnikova and Maria Alyokhina, members of the all-girl punk band Pussy Riot were having a nice quiet breakfast at Mickey D's when all of a sudden all hell broke loose. It started when Maria as...
Read full storyA Hip Hop Record Label Tells Justin Bieber They Don't Need Him
WATTS, California - Music Moments Magazine reported that the problem child known as Justin Bieber contacted The Yo Bro Record Label in Watts about them signing him to a contract. Label spokesperson Trundell Jackson-Jefferson informed Bieber that t...
Read full storyA Consumer Advocate Group Warns People About Eating Frozen Fish That Came Out of Lake Michigan
DETROIT - The consumer advocate group known as We Got Your Back has just issued a very important safety message. Consumer advocate Hannibal Linoleum wants all residents of the Great Lakes area to refrain from eating fish that was frozen in Lake Mi...
Read full storyNASA Tells Russia That If They Invade The Ukraine NASA Will Stop Supplying Them With Satellite Parts
HOUSTON - Trent Timmelfarb, NASA spokesman, told the Lyndon B. Johnson Space Center news media that they have sent a warning to President Putin of Russia. Timmelfarb stated that if Putin invades the Ukraine then NASA will immediately terminate pro...
Read full storyThe Country Music Bureau Makes A Big Statement About Beer
NASHVILLE - One of the most respected organizations in country music, The Country Music Bureau has just made a monumental announcement. CMB President Blanchard "Buck" Buxtonhouse, stated to the news media that the CMB is issuing a directive which...
Read full storyA Vietnamese Warship Is Heading Towards Russia's East Siberian Sea
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United Nations is reporting that they have just received word from the Vietnamese government that they have deployed one of their warships The VS Mekong Mongoose towards the East Siberian Sea, located north of Russia. The U.
Read full storyThe Ugly Hair Society of North America Has Named Its 2014 Winner
TUCSON, Arizona - Felicia Collycart, spokeswoman for The Ugly Hair Society of North America, has just announced the winner and two runners up in its annual ugly hair poll. Miss Collycart, who is a hair stylist, stated that third place went to talk...
Read full storyPresident Putin Threatens The USA With Putting A Halt To One of America's Biggest Exports To Russia
MOSCOW - Word filtering out of the Kremlin is that Russian leader Vladimir Putin is very upset at the United States stating that it will no longer import Russian Vodka. The Russian president stated that two can play that game and he has decided to...
Read full storyFame and Fable: Dickory's Hickory Dock
Myth, Mother Goose, Nursery Rhyme all have their roots in cultures now long gone. We today do not think much of them. We have no understanding of words that often seem completely nonsensical. But at one time... Jamestown, Virginia, was an early British colony in the new world. In Jamestown, there was a lively shipping trade and numerous, private dockings. One was owned by Thomas Dickory.
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