Paranoid Poles ask Pentagon to send cruise missiles to UK

Written by queen mudder

Saturday, 8 March 2014

image for Paranoid Poles ask Pentagon to send cruise missiles to UK
Polish deli owners Slipovicz and Grabowski yearn for the good old Tomahawk daze

Washington - The Pentagon was considering its position today after lawyers acting on behalf of several hundred expat Poles living close to a former US Air Force base in Greenham Common, UK, rang Chuck Hagel begging for help.

Fears of an imminent Russian invasion of their native country by Putin's land grabbing thugs in the Ukraine are tipping the Poles over the edge the US Defense Secretary was told.

"The one and only time my clients have ever felt safe here was when President Reagan sent Tomahawk cruise missiles to Greenham Common where the community resides," Sir Jacob Black-Mamba, attorney-at-law, explained to the bewildered politician.

Thirty years ago the Greenham Common air base played host to hundreds of US cruise missiles during a Cold War spat with Soviet aggressors threatening all kindsa stuff in mainland Europe.

Including blocking transmissions of the smash-hit TV soap Dallas.

Yesterday Secretary Hagel announced he was sending another six F-15 fighter jets to bolster the USA's NATO position in the Baltic Air Policing rotation at Siauliai Air Base in Lithuania.

The move sparked myriad demands by Poles in exile for American hardware to become available in their own back yards - including by a 5,000-strong Polish community in Macclesfield, Yorkshire.

Described as a tight-knit extended family of former Thatcher voters the group has
mushroomed over the years around a traditional Krakowian delicatessen that feeds it's compatriots potatoes and vodka.

They too want to see hundreds of US cruise missiles on their own doorstep to restore the balance caused by Putin's Crimean outrage.

The cost of a single Tomahawk cruise missile has recently come down to a bargain US$1,410,000.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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