Action Hero Kim Jong-un Strikes Back In Film, Kills Evil Dictatorial Nunchuck-Wielding Obama
PARANOIAWOOD, NORTH KOREA -- In an intriguing bit of political retaliation from North Korea that surprisingly does not involve the launching of nuclear missiles, a top official has announced plans to produce a film starring Kim Jong-un as a fearless...
Read full storyLoose Lips by Jackson Hoff
Hoff here. Of all the expressions that fill the languages of the world, "Loose Lips Sink Ships" is probably my favorite. I know what it means; I really don't have much reason to use it. Hardly any. Pop phrases like this are many times proceeded by "Well, you know what they say.." Examples: "Well, you know what they say... -- A fool and his money are soon parted. -- You're just beating a dead...
Read full storyMan Slips and Falls in Mud; Soils Pants
Ernest Tierney of Levenworth, North Dakota had been tormented by his friends, family members and even strangers since the above headline appeared in the local newspaper. After suffering humiliation from friends, neighbors, strangers and even fami...
Read full storyUruguayan FA claim moon is "fake"
The Uruguayan FA are claiming that they have cracked the mystery of what that "big thing in the sky at night" really is. In an official statement released today, the FA claim to have found unequivocal proof that the moon is a highly elaborate proj...
Read full storyUber brown-noser queen Rebekah Brooks in 'kissing cousins' Obama vid
Washington - Aides of NewsCorpse CEO Rupert Murdoch have downplayed footage of Rebekah Brooks and Barack Obama enjoying some intimate faeces - uh, face! - time in London just before the 2008 White House election. The footage forms part of a repor...
Read full storyPicking The Good Chunks Out Of Ice Cream To Be Reclassified As Felony
Washington D.C. - The criminal act of probing through a carton of ice cream to find and eat the good chunky pieces will become a felony on January 1, 2015. The crime is currently classified as a misdemeanor. While the change covers every flavor a...
Read full storyDyson Invents Clockwork Can Opener
Chinese businessmen packed out the latest Dyson product preview seminar yesterday queueing up to invest trillions in the Dyson patented clockwork can opener manufacturing franchises that were being sold at Earls Court. The ground breaking can open...
Read full storyAuntie Jean Advises I.S. Wallow From Upper Thong Whether Or Not To Come In Out Of The Rain
I. S. Wallow Asks: Dear Auntie Jean, I am sitting in my best clothes in wet mud in a torrential downpour in the garden. Normally despite being an otherwise intelligent human being, I ask my mother whether or not to come in out of the rain. My mother tells me I have no common sense. I have a horrific cough and what seems to be pneumonia. My mother is not speaking to me so will not tell me ei...
Read full storyPlayer Turns Into Flesh Eating Zombie After Football Bite
Another football player has turned into a Flesh Eating Zombie after being bitten during a World Cup match. Zombie consultant George A. Romero said on Breakfast T.V. "You might get one more match out of him if he wears a Hannibal Lecter type mask...
Read full storyBritish Public Turns On Suarez Again, Again
London. The latest controversy involving Scouse hero Luis Suarez at the world cup in Brazil has led to an unprecedented deluge of condemnatory emails and letters to the country's newspapers here are just a sample. W Rooney, Manchester: "Ban him fr...
Read full storyScience Proves That the Earth Was Destroyed Millions of Years Ago
Scientists announced today that they have discovered light rays emanating from space that show the Earth being destroyed by a meteor swarm 21 million years ago. When asked why we didn't remember or find evidence of such a calamity before, one of...
Read full storyEgypt's al-Sisi bites Kerry's ear
Egypt's president, Abdel Fatah al-Sisi, is claiming his recent response to Mr. Kerry's ear was inspired by world cup soccer player Luis Suarez, and "couldn't be avoided." After the recent verdict concerning the Al Jazeera journalists, Mr. Kerry, w...
Read full story