Written by Auntie Jean

Thursday, 26 June 2014

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The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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image for Dyson Invents Clockwork Can Opener
A Bagless Can Opener

Chinese businessmen packed out the latest Dyson product preview seminar yesterday queueing up to invest trillions in the Dyson patented clockwork can opener manufacturing franchises that were being sold at Earls Court.

The ground breaking can opener does not need batteries or electricity to open cans. Reminded by our reporter that ordinary can openers use no batteries and would be easier to use than a clockwork one, a spokesperson said, "Oh Fuck are you sure?" When our reporter produced and demonstrated one he replied, "Well even Einstein got it wrong sometimes. We'll carry on working on the waterless dishwashers instead."

Everyone saw the funny side of things and sat down to eat a Special Set Meal For 1000 with plastic forks included, spoons 10p extra and 10 kg of free prawn crackers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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