Wallmark to Introduce New Line of Sympathy Cards for Victims of Gun Violence
KANSAS CITY, MO---The NRA, ever vigilant against liberal, extremist groups who want to take away citizens' right to bear arms, now has an enemy's list. In addition to Wallmark Cards, among its many targets are Britney Spears, the YWCA, AARP, B'nai B...
Read full storyNot true Washington deploying ancient strategy: "The enemy of my enemy is my enema"
White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest has reiterated that there is no substance whatever to the notion Mr. Obama was overheard saying, "The enemy of my enemy is my enema," on his way to a White House comfort room. However, wily advisors such as...
Read full storyObama Laughs At American People
President Obama today explained why, over the bitter objections of Senator John McCain (R-AZ), he wanted to ally the U.S. with Iran. "The U.S. instigated a Sunni-Shiite war when George W. Bush invaded Iraq. The U.S. backs the Iraq government of t...
Read full storyPopeye The Sailorman Admits Using G.M. Spinach to Build Muscle
In a surprising revelation to Piers Morgan on his Detroit radio station, Popeye told Piers that he had used illegal spinach in his cartoon shows. Recent research by the Department of Vegetables has shown that a can of spinach has the nutritional...
Read full storyWiccan fury at Islamofascists' Isis slur
Los Angeles, California - The World Council of Wicca has issued a 20-kiloton hex against a ragbag of Islamofascist thugs who have highjacked the name of the Mother of Creation for their vile Iraqi insurgency antics. This morning's statement from W...
Read full storyGOP Concedes 2016 Presidential Election
Washington D.C. - The Republican Party released a statement today conceding the 2016 Presidential election to the Democratic Party. GOP Chairman Reince Priebus first released a written statement at 8 a.m. EST, then two hours later spoke at a press co...
Read full story"Sort It The Fuck Out!" Says Fuck!
The word Fuck is officially sick of being thanked at inappropriate times amid claims that this has led the popular curse word to also suffer from an identity crisis. The profanity furiously stated in an interview earlier that the general public sh...
Read full story"Toilet texter" ruins iPhone
25-year-old Richard Soothbeam is embroiled in a unique contract dispute with Vodafone after he forgot to take his phone out of his right hand and replace it with toilet paper before cleaning himself. Richard, 'a scruncher' in 99% of cases accordin...
Read full storyThe 'Avengers' Called Upon to Battle Militant Extremists in Iraq
United Nations - The United Nations has formally asked the 'Avengers' to step in and quell the current wave of violence in Iraq that is being waged by the extremist terror group known as ISIS. As the terrorist savages closed in on Baghdad, the...
Read full storyThe Last Days of Scamatology
Clearly Criminal, FL In what are viewed as the last days of the criminal organization known as $camatology, the last few followers are scheduled to get on the termite infested, asbestos filled, rotting "cruise ship" The Fleecewinds for the "Kool-Aid...
Read full storyThe FA set for a massive bill
The FA, the English branch line of FIFA, is set for a bill running into millions of pounds when the England team head home, thanks to the tens of millions of England flags that are expected to litter the floor. "We're seeing it already after the I...
Read full storyNorth Korean Leader Fascinated by Beatles
Pyongyang, North Korea Rotund North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has been mostly a mystery to western journalists since he took power after the death of his eccentric despotic dad, Kim Jong Il. However new revelations about young Kim will help political...
Read full storyTony "You know, George, whatever you decide to do, I'm with you" Blair confesses childhood snorting trauma led to prophetical powers
Just today Mr. Blair's office has released further background on his current essay "We didn't cause the crisis," and the 03 decision to attack Iraq as partner with George W. Bush. Apparently during childhood Mr. Blair had a formative experience wh...
Read full storyCheney Invites Putin to Go Hunting
Caspar, WY Former vice-president Dick Cheney has invited Russia leader Vladimir Putin to go duck hunting with him. "He was upset because no one in the country would go hunting with him after that unfortunate incident where that cretin got in fro...
Read full storyStill on the Run, Hillary Sighted at a Costco in Arlington
Arlington, Virginia (STT NEWS) - Hillary Clinton, sought nationwide after her daring escape from an official federal mental health facility, was most recently sighted at a Costco store across the Potomac in Arlington, Virginia. According to Demowire,...
Read full storyDwyane Wade Complains About No-Call on Free Throw Attempts
Following a devastating 104-87 loss to the San Antonio Spurs in Game 5 of the NBA Finals, Dwyane Wade and the Miami Heat pointed to a pivotal moment in the game that allowed the Spurs to hoist the Larry O'Brien trophy. Already trailing by double f...
Read full storyMiliband Apologises For 'Page 3' Girl Affair
An apology was issued today by Labour Party leader Ed Miliband. It comes after he was subjected to a slew of criticism following the release of pictures of him posing with a topless 'page 3' model. The picture, which features the model holding a s...
Read full storyPrince Andrew photographed wanking
Prince Andrew has been photographed wanking with the help of his mother, HRH, Queen Elizabeth II. His tentative strokes were captured on Sunday as nephews, princes William and Harry lined up on opposing sides in the Jerudong Trophy at Cirencester...
Read full storyEveryone friends with hometown boy at College World Series
Omaha, Nebraska- This week marks the beginning of the college World Series. Eight of the best teams in college baseball will square off in a double elimination tournament. Tad Ameritrade park will be the host site for this venue, and the right teams...
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