Limbaugh Says Colbert Will Destroy Heartland Values
Stephen Colbert, who has been anchoring the Colbert Report on Comedy Central since 2005, will replace David Letterman as CBS's late night host in 2015. "It's revolutionary! In kind of a bad way," according to radio host Rush Limbaugh: "CBS has j...
Read full story'Alien Autopsy' movie maker the secret mastermind behind lab-grown ET vaginas?
Roswell, Nevada - A film producer famous for his 'Alien Autopsy' documentary has been outed as the maverick genius behind a bio-engineering project to replace old, worn out and obsolete vaginas among female extraterrestrials. Ray Santilli, whose...
Read full storyAmerica Can't Find Its Glasses
After a night of heavy drinking, America seems to have misplaced its glasses. Even though they were definitely right here on the table when America went to bed, the elusive pair of spectacles remain missing. America has reportedly interviewed sev...
Read full storyTeacher Fails Student
Dayvon Terrell of Detroit, Michigan, was recently failed by his third grade teacher, Mrs. Deborah Leigh. "Unfortunately, Davyon did not meet the standardized reading comprehension benchmark," Ms. Leigh explained. "He simply can't move on to fou...
Read full storyOne Sexy Doberman
"Everything seems to happen to me", stated some guy at the airport who was sitting chained to his seat and with a pair of handcuffs on. I had sat sown to wait the wife come into the airport from VChicago and I hadn't notice the guy except that there was another sitting across from him. He looked like a security guard or an air marshall. So I waved and politely told the man across from my tal...
Read full storyABC: What If We'd Used A Different Song?
It is usually the first thing we learn as infants about written communications: the letters A, B and C. In fact we refer to the entire alphabet as "the ABCs." And all because of that song. A must-learn for every toddler. I of course can't write the melody here, but we all know how it goes: "A B C D E F G.... H I J K LMNOP... Q R S... T U V... W.. X... Y and Z. Now I know my ABCs, next time won't...
Read full storyNuns In US Safe From New Catholic Inquisition
A fragment of an ancient Egyptian papyrus known as the "Gospel of Jesus's Wife," unveiled in 2012, shows no evidence of being a modern forgery, as some critics had charged, according to an article published in the Harvard Theological Review. The con...
Read full storyFrench Government Grants 10M Euros To Study Why Water Is Clear
Paris (Roto Rooters) - The French government has provided 10M Euros (almost $14M U.S. dollars) to Aix-Marseille University Faculty of Sciences to conduct a study to determine why water is clear. An additional 7.5M Euros was granted to conduct a simil...
Read full storyScience Teacher Jeffrey Francis inks 10 year, $200 million deal with the NYC Board of Education
According to several sources at the NYC board of education, veteran science teacher Jeffrey Francis, who has taught at M.S. 233 for 12 years, recently inked a massive deal with the NYCBOE to stay on as a teacher. Frederick Gonzales, an HR represe...
Read full storyHeartbleed marketing gets underway - catastrophe to be announced shortly
The Heartbleed Bug, a fault in the security system used by many Internet sites, has become a major global brand due to the slick marketing used to get its message across. Early adoption of a funky logo and hysterical rhetoric in the press has quickl...
Read full storyJohn Lennon To Be Cloned?
A Canadian dentist has plans to clone the late Beatle, John Lennon after purchasing his tooth a couple of years ago for over $30,000. This was revealed recently during an episode of Dead Famous DNA on Channel 4 in England. Canadian dentist Dr.
Read full storyFrench 'crown jewels' offloaded in $80m Manhattan thrift sale
New York - The French Foreign Legion's ambassador the the United Nations is being asked to move to a downtown motel as his bosses in Vichy, France downsize their Manhattan portfolio. It's hoped the move will stave off foreclosure by the state-paw...
Read full storyHow Does Depression Affect You?
Depression runs freely around our great country like the clap around a university campus. 1/3 people will suffer from a mental health issue at some point in their life also 1/3 of us will be affected by cancer. Let's hope it's not the same people or that'll mean 2/6 (if our fractions are correct) of us will be depressed and have a family member suffering from cancer. That would be unlucky. Today w...
Read full storySecond Shoe Catches Hillary in the Neck
After dodging a woman's show at a Las Vegas speaking tour last night, a second shoe hit dead center as she came outside on the strip. This time it was a horseshoe and police say they might have an arrest soon. "Someone shouted "Hey! A dead ring...
Read full storyDead Sea scrolls contradict Cameron.
Scholars at the Shrine of the Book museum in Jerusalem were shocked today when a fragment of the dead sea scrolls being studied for the first time under ultraviolet light stated that Jesus did not invent The Big Society and in no way condones the act...
Read full storyThe robust and rigorous micro-management of human beings
The robust and rigorous micro-management of human beings by Rob Barratt Targets, performance management, data, robust, scrutiny, success criteria, outcomes, rigour, on track to deliver Robust performance management Robust scrutiny Robust data Robust success criteria Robust targets Robust outcomes Robust progress Robust rigour Robust robustness Target outcomes Target data Target...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Says Kim Jong Un Has Offered Her $1 Million To Travel To North Korea And Perform One Concert
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Miley Cyrus was having a burger at Burger Bandit when she received a text message from her agent. He told her that Kim Jong Un had talked to Larry King, co-host of The Viagra View and said that he would pay her $1 million to fly t...
Read full storyHelle Thorning-Schmidt Tells Michelle Obama To Stop Being So Darn Jealous
COPENHAGEN, Denmark - Saying that she has kept quiet long enough, Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt has told the world press that Michelle Obama really needs to stop being so darn jealous of her husband's political relationship with her.
Read full storyChelsea Handler Devastated That CBS Has Picked Stephen Colbert To Replace David Letterman
NEW YORK CITY - The host of the soon to be off the air talk show Chelsea Lately is reportedly devastated and depressed at the fact that she was passed up to take over for the retiring David Letterman. Chelsea Handler told TV ClickerWorld that she...
Read full storyMany Arkansas Residents Want The State To Outlaw Chewing Tobacco Spitting
LITTLE ROCK - The state of Arkansas has said that the spitting of chewing tobacco all over the place has got to stop. A spokesman for the governor's office stated that it has gotten to the point where a woman can't even take her half dozen young'u...
Read full storyA 93-Year-Old Cleveland Woman Arrested For Injuring A 102-Year-Old Man She Was Twerking
CLEVELAND - Law enforcement officers in Cleveland are calling a recent twerking incident one of the strangest on record. Officer Radley Zippertino with the CPD said that he answered a call to The Setting Sun Senior Folks Home in the south side of...
Read full storyPittsburgh Says That They'll Gladly Take The Milwaukee Bucks
PITTSBURGH - The big Pennsylvania city is home to steel mills, the Heinz Ketchup empire, the Pirates, the Steelers, and the Penguins. And now the Pittsburgh City Council has let the Milwaukee Bucks organization know that they would be proud to hav...
Read full storyThe Reason Why The Arizona Diamondbacks Are 3-8
PHOENIX - Baseball fans in the Desert State are not too happy with their Arizona Diamondbacks at the present time as they have started off the 2014 season at 3-8. Sporting Chance Magazine's Hercules Confetti sat down in the D's clubhouse and had a...
Read full storyRussia Admits It Hacked Into Brazil's Computer System and Stole Hundreds of Secret Files
MOSCOW - At first Russia stated emphatically that they had no idea what the government of Brazil was talking about when they said that Russia had hacked into their national computer system. But after electronic DNA was taken from some of the file...
Read full storyThe East Coast Tantrum Throwing Society Has Cancelled Its Next Monthly Meeting
BOSTON - One of the oldest organizations in the greater Boston area has just announced that they are cancelling their next monthly meeting. The vice-president of The East Coast Tantrum Throwing Society Tilford P. Pristbottle stated that the commit...
Read full storyBaseball To Ban Sliding Headfirst Into 1st Base
NEW YORK CITY - Major League Baseball's Board of Rules has stated that it plans to issue a ban on the age old baseball play of sliding headfirst into 1st base. The MLBBR stated that ever since the first batter slid into first base that particular...
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