After a night of heavy drinking, America seems to have misplaced its glasses. Even though they were definitely right here on the table when America went to bed, the elusive pair of spectacles remain missing.
America has reportedly interviewed several people regarding the matter, including its seven year old daughter and wife of 11 years. America wants to know who keeps moving its stuff, and why nothing ever seems to be where it left it.
"I'm going to need some help around here real soon," America said sternly. "Whoever hid those things better give them to me, now."
After a fruitless 15 minute search, America went to work wearing last year's prescription.
"Call me if you find anything, but I think they're gone forever," America said before leaving.
America's wife later found the missing glasses on the kitchen counter.
