Miley Cyrus Claims Tatoo Of Chicken's Butt Actually Her Belly Button
BILLINGSGATE POST: Having shamed her family by her blatant display of pre-pubescent twerking, Miley Cyrus is now denying that the cute tatoo of a chicken's butt, located in the fertile crescent somewhere between her bosom and twerker, is actually he...
Read full storyAmerica's Cup Ends in Tie
The much-delayed and increasingly less-anticipated but long-promised Last and Final Race of the 34th running of the America's Cup epic sailing Regatta thing on scenic San Francisco Bay Wednesday decided absolutely nothing. A collision between Emir...
Read full storyPrince Boy George to be christened at Predator Chapel Royal, St James's
London - The infant brat will be dunked in the font the day before William's half-sister Rebekah Brooks stands trial at the Old Bailey on hacking and corruption conspiracy charges. Tonight her invite to the Palace's post-christening piss-up lies i...
Read full storyNSA Reports Someone Somewhere is Planning Something
(Undisclosed Location - USA) The National Security Agency published a 100 page document stating that "someone somewhere is planning something" against an as yet unidentified target, location, agency or individual. "We can unequivocally and without a...
Read full storyTed Cruz goes on a shooting spree in the House of Representatives
BREAKING NEWS : In a startling and dramatic political gambit Texas junior Senator Ted Cruz (R) invaded the House chamber today brandishing an automatic rifle, two pistols and several hand grenades. The event happened sometime after the lunch reces...
Read full storySolo Flash Mob Draws Little To No Attention
A 20 year old male peformed a series of dance moves in the electronics department of a local department store on Tuesday evening. "I don't understand it. I was busting moves left and right, all throughout the aisles. Nobody said anything. I w...
Read full storyDay's bakings are stolen
Hungry thieves broke the window of a baker's shop in Gateshead yesterday and stole the day's bakings. Dozens of bread loaves and scores of cream buns were taken along with apple pies and big scones. As soon as George Cook, the baker, arrived,...
Read full story95% of humans responsible for global warming according to UN report
New York - UN Climate Change scientists have published the names of 95% of the world's worst polluters behind warming of the planet. And top of the hot air list are Z-Lister celebs whose contribution to the carbon monoxide - er, peroxide? Dioxide!...
Read full storyThe Meanest Misfit at the Tenements Just Got a Grizzly, a Tiger, and Three Alligators
The meanest malcontent neighbor I know just adopted a grizzly bear club, a bengal tiger cub, and three baby alligators. He lives two doors down from me in a one-bedroom apartment and drinks a case of Red, White & Blue beer every day. As mean and savage as they come, these nasty wild animals seem to be a good fit for him, but not such a good combination of pets for our apartment complex. All...
Read full storyLa Liga - Gameweek 7 Preview
Hello and welcome to La Liga's Gameweek 7 preview. With non-stop La Liga action over the past few days, we again get into the groove of what is expected to be a crucial gameweek; especially for the four teams active in mid-week aftermath the league games. Real Madrid take on city rivals Atletico Madrid at the Santiago Bernabeu on Saturday night (Madrid time) in what is shaping up as a crucial...
Read full storyEnergy Companies Shocked!
It was reported last night that Energy Companies have suffered a terrible Electric Shock. Psychiatrist Dr Anhelm Zootsgringer explained that the use of an electric shock for a very ill patient can result in great improvements in behaviour. 'This s...
Read full story32 Year Old Bachelor Reveals True Motive For Reading "Twilight" Series
"C'mon let's be real. A lot of the chicks reading those books are smokin' hot and between the ages of twenty and twenty-six. I'm trying to nail that demographic," stated Mike Oxbig, a 32 year old bachelor and avid reader of the "Twilight" series.
Read full storyMiddle Aged Dudes Realize They Were Hipsters At Some Point
Reporters recently interviewed two middle aged dudes hanging out, outside a hipster music venue after overhearing them make fun of the patrons. One of the 40 something generation X-ers stated, "You know what though? I just realized something. Bac...
Read full storyUtah Bans Halter Tops
SALT LAKE CITY - The state of Utah has announced that it has just passed a law which will prohibit the wearing of halter tops by females. Senator Buxton Quickymill [R-Provo] stated that the bill had been hotly debated with many senators believing...
Read full storyOprah Winfrey Wants To Buy The Chicago Bears
CHICAGO - The Windy City is home to the Bears, the Cubs, the White Sox, the Bulls, the Black Hawks, and to The Big O, Oprah Winfrey. Winfrey recently appeared on The Viagra View and she confessed to Regis Philbin that she has made an offer to purc...
Read full storyJulia Roberts Disses Her Co-Star Meryl Streep
HOLLYWOOD - The latest celebrity dissing incident to come out of Tinsel Town finds veteran actress Julia Roberts dissing legendary actress Meryl Streep. The two have just finished filming their new movie August: Osage County. An inside source sai...
Read full storyAnn Coulter's Birthplace Home Has Been Discovered
WHITE PLAINS, New York - Two reporters with National Focus Magazine have just discovered the actual birthplace of Republican political commentator Ann Coulter. Durango Tucker and Jefferson Sierra had heard that Miss Coulter was not really born in...
Read full storyNASCAR Warns Danica Patrick To Follow The Rules or Else
AUSTIN - Danica Patrick was in Texas visiting an old boyfriend when she got the word that NASCAR had issued a statement that she will follow the NASCAR rules or else she will be subject to discipline including a fine and possible suspension. Miss...
Read full storySelena Gomez Threatens Justin Bieber With A Restraining Order
TARZANA - Saying that she has had enough of the little hip hop singer wannabe from Canada, Selena Gomez has just informed the entertainment media that she is seriously considering putting a restraining order on ex-boyfriend Justin Bieber. Gomez sa...
Read full story45 Year Old Man Realizes He Does Not Have To Take Facebook Seriously
ST. PAUL, MN - "It has been so freeing," stated Al Gorithim, "almost overnight a new peace has come over me." Previously Al did not understand the idea that if nobody commented on one of his posts that it would not affect the outcome of anything,...
Read full storyZoo Keeper Caught Spanking The Monkey
OMAHA, NE - A zookeeper in Omaha, NE was recently placed on indefinite work suspension due to disciplinary measures he was caught taking with primate residents at a local zoo. "I felt that bobo, in particular, was being selfish, hoarding food, and...
Read full storyStudy Reveals Jeans Do Not Make Asses Look Fat
LOS ANGELES, CA - An ongoing UCLA study has recently unveiled results that may shock many. "Jeans do not make a woman's ass look fat," reported Dr. Mack Daday, "a woman's ass makes a woman's ass look fat, plain and simple." Some of the studen...
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