BREAKING NEWS : In a startling and dramatic political gambit Texas junior Senator Ted Cruz (R) invaded the House chamber today brandishing an automatic rifle, two pistols and several hand grenades.
The event happened sometime after the lunch recess as the House members were preparing to doze off in the chamber. Eyewitness accounts report that Mr. Cruz was wearing a long black overcoat that concealed all his weapons. As the Speaker of the House, John Boehner (R-Ohio) rose from his seat to greet his party colleague Mr. Cruz grabbed him by the throat and pressed a pistol to his temple. He then ordered the House Majority Leader, Mr Eric Cantor (R-Virginia), to close all the doors or he'd shoot the brains out of Mr. Boehner.
Mr. Cruz is currently holding 325 alive members of the house hostage inside the room. He twitted that he has already shot and killed 63 members and will continue his shooting spree unless his demands are met. The capitol police is currently researching ways to storm the room and have brought in an expert negotiator to talk with Mr. Cruz on the phone.
We have no news of Ms. Pelosi (D-California), the House Minority Leader. Our hearts go out to the fallen heroes.